


Fractured Line

by DraconicMistress, LuLuIceifer



Series: Cherished Disgrace [9]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Brainwashing, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, I'll soon write the alternate endings, M/M, Multiple Endings, No Sex, Parental Love, Psychological Torture, Sad Ending, Sexual Harassment, Slavary, Suicide, Time Skips, Torture, mention of past rape, that are created by me, weird religious concept
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:39:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconicMistress/pseuds/DraconicMistress, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuLuIceifer/pseuds/LuLuIceifer
Summary: Takumi had been stripped away from everyhting he had, including his bow. So Nohr needs someone else to wield it, likely descended from him. His son was kept from the truth for years... But it was until one day, that the boy knows the truth





	1. Fractured Line

**Author's Note:**

> This happens 12 years after the main story (which is when Takumi was captured). Takumi was forced to sex with Camilla because Nohr needs someone to wield Fujin (and to break Takumi more) so Kiragi has both the Royal blood of Nohr and Hoshido!
> 
> Poor Takumi, he will be suffering again. (even if this is the second spin off)
> 
> (I haven't proof read the work so there should be a lot of mistakes)
> 
> (Oh and my first time writing multiple POV)

_(Kiragi's POV)_

 

“Even if he's half-Nohrian and got his mother's hair, Prince Kiragi looks a lot like his father…”

 

Whenever I leave the Hoshidan castle, I can’t stop listening to people gossiping about how similar my and my lost father is. I asked Mother where his father is, but all he reply was ‘he is dead’. It has been 12 years since Nohr invaded Hoshido, yet the legend and bravery of the Hoshidan Royal protecting their country is still crafted in their hearts.

 

“And to see him running around cheerfully like that when we didn't even know what happened with Prince Takumi is so… depressing to say the least.”

 

I hate how people compare me with my father, the ‘Prince of the Wind’. Despite being the last Hoshidan Royal family, Father was executed right after falling in love with Mother Camilla, dying with dignity. But I don’t know why, those Hoshidans are still talking about my _real_ father’s whereabouts despite being killed in the Hoshidan plaza.

 

_“We didn't even see Prince Takumi since 10 years ago. And even back then, every time he showed up he is always broken, suffering from all those tortures. I doubt if he's still alive…”_

 

 _More rumours about my father._ _When will they stop gossiping about him?_

 

_“I heard he is still alive, locked in the basement prison. But is he still sane, that is the question… I wonder what Lord Takumi would say if he saw Prince Kiragi.”_

 

_My father is still alive?_

 

_Is he locked in the underground prison? Tortured? Wasn’t he executed?_

 

_How can my father be alive, when everyone tells me that he is dead? How can he pass down Fujin Yumi to me if he is not?_

 

_I cannot stand still. I must seek out the truth._

 

-

_(Leo’s POV)_

 

I have always known this day would eventually come. The day Kiragi knows Takumi’s truth.

 

“Lord Leo, so what are you going to do with him?” Niles smirks. “Should I kill him before he meets that slut?”

 

“No, Niles. I can’t ensure that this whore is going to produce another son to wield Fujin Yumi. Not to mention Kiragi’s fighting strength is unbelievable.” I turn around and walk towards to basement cell. “Moreover, Kiragi will have his birthday two days later. We need to deal with the bigger issue here first.”

 

Kiragi has always been wanting to meet his father, even when he thought his father was dead. I can’t count how many times he talks about seeing his father in his dreams, or when he was unconscious. He even searched in the library for hours just to find a picture of his father. When he heard about Takumi is alive, he dashed back and asked Camilla whether he can meet his father.

 

“So you are trying to turn _him_ back to a human first?”

 

“Yes. It would take time, but the Deeprealms can fix it.” Niles gives me a candle before walking into the utterly dark cell. “Niles, I will stay in the Deeprealms for the evening. Can you tell Camilla to arrange the meeting and go for Plan B?”

“Yes, Lord Leo.”

 

-

_(Takumi POV)_

 

Water drops is the only time indicator for me. No, actually. I don’t know how long I’ve been living this wretched life. Since when did the pain of whips feel so familiar? Since when have I been bowing down to everyone? Since when I have already forgotten the shame I should have? I can only remember I was 18 when I was captured, but my body never grows again. Even my face is deceiving how long I have been stuck in here.

 

But it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been living disgracefully, because I’m not going to return as a prince anymore. Never.

 

My eyes are too disgusting to live for another second as a human. All I can do is to beg others to fuck my slutty ass, playing with my body until they throw me back here, stepping me into the face, teasing me how bad I was.

 

That I am not even worthy to be a sex pet.

 

“Wake up, slut.” I can feel Master tugging my hair and pulling me up. “Wake up, now.”

 

“Master…” I rub my eyes before looking away. “Is another client going to buy me?”

 

No matter how many times I am out on that auction ground, the Nohrians never lose interest in buying me, torturing me until I can’t move my limbs. Even Master is satisfied with the income I get from those black market, that he fed me leftover whenever I surpass a certain limit.

 

“No. I’ve come to tell you about your son.” He caresses my hair and releases his grip.

 

“My son? H-how is that possible? How’s he? Is he suffering? Are you going to execute him in front of me?”

 

Leo chuckles and nudges my head into his chest. “Are you so fucked till a point that you can’t remember whom you had sex with?” He lifts my chin and rubs my ears. “How sad, Takumi. You thought sex was sacred before you live this life. But now, all you can do with sex is to suffer. You don’t remember you served women too, slut?”

 

“N-no. Those women… are they giving birth to my son?” I grab his collar and push myself up. “What will you do to him? Are you going to torture him?”

 

“Not ‘those women’, Takumi, only my sister Camilla bears your son.” He pats my head. “You see, with you broken like this, we need a new puppet to wield your divine bow. Now, your son has both the Royal blood on Nohr and Hoshido and his ability to fight is fantastic. He is living as a Prince, even better than you were. And here’s the thing.”

 

“W-What is it, Master?”

 

“Now that boy has known you survived, I need you to recover as a prince. He has heard legends about your bravery, and how princely you were when you defended the Great Wall of Suzanoh.” He hugs me and bites my ear. “You don’t want your son to see you as a pathetic sex pet, do you?”

 

“Y-yes… B-But… May I ask a question?”

 

“What’s it, Takumi?” He gathers my hair into a ponytail. “Are you doubting me?”

 

“No… But what have you tell my son about me? Does he know I am dehumanized? Does he know the life I am living?”

 

“You will know it when you meet him.” He releases the hug and places my torso onto the ground. “You will need to meet him two days later, so I’ll send you to the Deeprealms to cut off time.You have one month there only. Get it?”

 

“Y-yes.”

 

“Good. First,” He touches my collar. “I’ll have to change your collar into a necklace.”

 

-

_(Kiragi’s POV)_

 

“Why did you lie to me?” I shout at uncle Leo when I saw him opening the door. “Why are you keep telling me that my father is dead? Why everyone thinks he is dead but he actually isn’t?”

 

“That’s because we never see him anymore.” He forcefully laughs and pats my head. “It is such a coincidence that we managed to relocate him the week before you asked me. I was going to arrange a dinner with your father even if you didn’t ask about it.”

 

“But… I don’t get it! Why do you need to keep me away from the truth so long?” I tug his collar. “Why? Uncle Leo? Didn’t you say you will give me the best?”

 

“Sometimes it is better to keep your hopes down, Kiragi. It is very rare to find a people who disappeared long ago.” Leo wipes off my tears and smiles. “So I have already arranged a meeting between me, your father and you. Is that great?”

 

“Why Mom is absent? Didn’t she miss Dad?”

 

“She has been staying with him since she knew his return.” He pats my shoulder. ”Don’t you want to talk more with your Father? Mother and Father have been for years, but it is his first time seeing you. He must have a lot of questions for you too!”

 

“Is it?” I rub off my tears and hug him in joy. “Thanks, Uncle Leo! You’re the best!”

 

-

_(Leo’s POV)_

 

“We’re here, _Prince_ Takumi.” I stare at the slut. No, he should be called ‘Prince Takumi’ for now. Those distrusted amber eyes of Takumi, gazes around the Deeprealms. His hands urge to touch the floor, and his trembling legs aren’t used to walking on two so suddenly. “You will need to regain your princely act. Maybe regress further to your childhood. Can you do it yourself, or do I need to spoon-feed you how to be a human?”

 

Despite the fact that I have healed all his wounds and stopped all the curses before coming here, Takumi still can’t remember his human life. It has been 12 years since he saw this magnificent scene, and longer since he experienced peace. I can feel how impressed he is, but his body and mind is telling him to act like a pet.

 

_He hasn’t believed he has a child yet._

 

He glances at me before looking at the ground again. “I can do it myself, Mas- no, Prince Leo. I don’t want my child to see me acting like a pet.” He leans onto my shoulders and pants. “But I-I have no experience of Nohrian culture. I mean, I can regain the royal air I used to carry. My body can forget all those tortures and rape” He clenches his fist and whispers. “But I can’t create the experience itself. What should I tell my son? I can’t tell him that I was locked in the basement prison for… I don’t know how long it was. I don’t know how to eat like a Nohrian noble. I don’t think I remember how to eat properly, either…”

 

“You should be thankful that you can escape from cum and leftovers for a while.” I lift his chin and force him to look at me. “I’ll teach you how to act like a noble _myself_ , Takumi. I’ve a plan for _how_ you should act during the dinner. Get it, slut? You _cannot_ ruin this/”

 

“Y-yes, Prince Leo. I’ll try my best… to recover.”

 

I pull his face closer so that I have a better look at his embarrassed face. His cheek is red and his eyes are looking away from me. Tears are hung on the edge of his eyes, and trying so hard not to roll onto his cheek. His body is shivering, in both fear of losing his son and desperation to fill his emptiness.

 

Even if his curses are gone, his body has already remembered how he should react to every single touch. How he should beg for someone to fill his ass and the taste of cum.

 

“It is good to see you acting so obediently, Takumi. I hope so see you recover before the time limit.”

 

-

 

_(Takumi’s POV)_

 

I can’t get my eyes off the boy in front of me. There’s no mistake about it: Even if he has Lady Camilla’s purple hair, the rest of him are too similar to me. This boy is surely my son.

 

The son I never knew glomps me, the father he thought that had long gone. That is not exactly a lie, since the real me… has already long gone. What’s left of me is only a self of an obedient pet. A personality that deserves countless suffering even after he breaks. Even the current princely persona I am wearing is just a fake one, fabricated just to lie to this boy, who doesn’t know how I am treated.

 

_But it is better this way._

 

“Father, I thought you’re dead. I have never thought I can see you in my life…” He looks up to me, with joyful tears covering his amber eyes. “I wanted to see you for so long! I thought you are dead in the war… But you are not...” He hugs me closer, with his head nudging into my belly. “I’m so happy to see you!”

 

I force a smile. It is true, so true that I am _dead_ since the war. It is better that I _died_ that time rather than seeing you here. It is better you _don’t_ know I’m alive that to reunite with me.

 

_“Don’t mess our act, slut.”_

 

I shake my head and gaze at my son. “I want to see you too… Kiragi.” I kneel down and pats his head. “I am sorry that I am rarely home, but…”

 

 _“Don’t say you’re going to stay here forever, doggy. Tell him you need to go soon._ ”

 

_I knew it. Master is going to keep me locked in the basement cells after this dinner party. I have no chance returning to be human. This is nothing but an act to stop Kiragi asking about me._

 

_Or maybe, an act to break me again. For me to gain hope and lose hope again._

 

“What happened, father? Why is your face so pale?”

 

“I-I’m sorry, Kiragi.” I look away from those amber eyes of his. Or instead, I can’t face my son, telling him the truth I should be telling. “I just remember that I have tasks under your uncle’s order, that…” I lower my voice. “I can’t promise you to stay by your side forever.”

 

_Even I love you more than everything in this world._

 

“Why do you have to go!? You’ve just seen me!” He tugs my collar. His eyes are desperate, so desperate to know the hard truth he shouldn’t know. “Don’t you love me and Mother? Why do you need to go so soon? Or are those the rumors which you are locked in the basement and tortured true? And you need to be locked again?”

 

“I-”

 

_“He will be killed if you tell him the truth.”_

 

I gasp and look at Prince Leo, who is not so far away from me. _“You don’t want to see your son executed in front of you, right?”_ His hazel eyes glare at me. _“Then reply as the way I taught you.”_

 

I glance at Kiragi’s innocent eyes. So innocent that I don’t want to tell him the truth.

 

I pull over collar to show my neck. “See, my body is still as fine as ever. If I were tortured… There have to be some scars, right?”

 

I forced a giggle, trying to convince Kiragi that is true _. Please, please don’t ask me again._ My body trembles harder when I saw those amber eyes look back at me.

 

“Just neck isn’t enough… Please, show me that you’re really okay. I beg you. I can’t live like a prince while you are tortured in the underground basement!”

 

_Why? Why do you need to know the truth?_

 

_Why do you need to ask something that will hurt you in return?_

 

“Kiragi, dear, it’s indecent to strip in the middle of such event like this.” I kiss his forehead and chuckle. “I’m more than okay, really. There is no need for me to proof…”

 

“Please, Father. Is uncle Leo controlling you? Is he forcing you to tell me that you are okay? Me, and other Hoshidans are very worried about you!” He shakes my shoulders, begging me to _tell him the truth._ “We can’t do nothing while you are suffering silently! Please, Father. Please!”

 

_Are other Hoshidans worried about me? Why do they even bother to remember the existence of the worse Prince in history? Why do they need to remember a failure prince?_

 

_Why do you need to ask me, Kiragi? I beg you, just stop asking it._

 

_Please._

 

_“Strip! It’s not like you have any scar left on your body! The kid isn’t going to believe us if you didn’t show him your body!”_

 

_Do I really need to do this? Is that the only way Kiragi will trust me?_

 

_Am I so powerless to beg my son to believe me?_

 

“Father! Are you controlled by uncle Leo? Did he tell you not to remove it?”

 

_Please, don’t do anything against Master. Please, I don’t want to see you killed…._

 

“Uncle Leo! What have you done…”

 

_Is that the only way to save him?_

 

I grip his shoulder and take off my tunic. “See, Kiragi.” I turn around, showing him my back. “I’m really okay. I was just hesitating whether I should show you here. You know, it is embarrassing.”

 

Kiragi sighs in relief as if he has put off the fear he long had. “It is good to know that!” He jumps and hugs me. “I’m sorry for forcing you to do this, Dad. I don’t mean to embarrass you.” He grips me tighter and smiles. “But I have to, not only to reaffirm myself, but also to tell the castle staffs that you’re okay.”

 

_Such an innocent boy, Kiragi._

 

“Is it?” I brush his hair and chuckles. “Kiragi… I’ll need to put on my clothes now. I can’t stay naked for the whole night, right?”

 

“Ah… Sorry!” He loses the grip and looks onto the ground. “But…. You really are pretty… People are sure not joking when they say you’re prettier than most women. Your face… no, your entire body looks like you are under 18! It is hard to believe that you are my father!”

 

I narrowed my eyes, as my smile slowly vanishes. _I would have destroyed my face if I can, Kiragi. My beauty is what curses me into this life._

 

“Don’t say that, Kiragi.” I put on my tunic and force a laugh. “Mom will be jealous.”

 

_I was degraded into a sex pet, treated worse than a dog, sometimes even treated as purchasable merchandise._

 

_All because I am pretty._

 

“But Dad, being pretty isn’t an insult! Even if you are a man!”

 

_If I am not pretty, I wouldn’t have turned into a sex pet._

 

_I wouldn't have to suffer, lost my entire family and torture until the end of the world._

 

_I wouldn’t have to look at you, feeling guilty for what I can’t do with you._

 

_I wouldn’t have to know how big a failure I am._

 

“Dad? Are you listening? DAD!”

 

“Oh, sorry, Kiragi. I was just… thinking about how people used to compliment me this way.” I pat his head, trying so hard not to let my tears fall off. “I know, you’re genuinely complimenting me. Thank you, son.”

 

“I’d like to hear more about your journey, Takumi.” Master stares at me before letting me say anything more about ‘my journey’. “Come to my room.”

 

I knew my return to royal life was ephemeral. I kept foolishly wished it would last, or at least Master would let me nurse my own son, even as a mere maid.

 

“Y-yes, Prince Leo.”

 

“Wait! Uncle Leo!” Kiragi tugs his shirt. “But I haven’t talked anything with dad yet! I want to know about his journey…”

 

“I’ll tell you the next time we meet, Kiragi.” I smile and kiss his forehead for one last time. “I’m too tired now.”

 

“Dad, but what if...”

 

“I swear, I will tell you everything next time.” I caress his hair and hugs him. “Goodnight, my dear son.”

 

_And goodbye, Kiragi. My one and only son._

 

-

_(Kiragi’s POV)_

 

It is so quiet now. I thought I would be able to speak with Father for the whole night. But then, uncle Leo just stop us when we started chatting.

 

But Father’s obedience still sees kind of fishy for me. Even if he showed me his body, I still can’t stop thinking about Father being a prisoner.

 

_Is he really okay? Or is everything just an act for me?_

 

I sneak near uncle Leo’s chamber, sticking my ears onto the wall and listen to the conversation inside. It wasn’t long until uncle Leo walks out of his room, hugging my father’s shoulder and stumbles his way to the underground chamber.

 

The basement prison, where rumours said my father is locked at.

 

“The sapphire necklace looks good on you, doggy.”

 

_Why is uncle Leo calling my Father ‘doggy’?_

 

“T-thank you, Master…”

 

_Master? Is uncle Leo father's master?_

 

“But a dog collar fits you more.” Uncle Leo pulls the necklace and turns it into a collar. A dog collar who is supposed to be only worn by pets. “This looks much better on you, slut.”

 

_Slut? What does he mean? Why is Father wearing a collar? Is uncle Leo controlling father all these time?_

 

_Are those rumors true? That Father is tortured even before I was borned?_

 

I cover my mouth and gasped. I don’t want to know continue watching, but I feel like I should know the truth, the dark reality awaits me to reveal. _Maybe I would be able to save Father._ I encourage myself to stay when I saw father falling onto the ground and walking on four.

 

_Maybe I am able to help him._

 

“Master… Should I remove _it_ now?”

 

“Ah, of course.” Uncle Leo shoves Father to the cell and tears off his clothes. “That’s better. You look better naked and locked in a cell.”

 

I sneak a little bit closer to those two, hiding in the nearest corner. Staring at Father’s torso, it is true that there is no scar on his skin. Yet, seeing him straddling on the ground, with his body naked and the collar on his neck, it is absolutely sure that he is a slave.

 

_Why did they lie to me? Why don’t tell me that Father is a slave?_

 

“Hey, why your eyes are watery? You should have already known your princely act is a lie. You’re going to end up as a slave anyway, so why are you crying?”

 

I instantly jerk behind the wall and cover my mouth. _Everything in the dinner is just an act? Is everything just a lie?_ I try to soften my breath, but they are becoming harsher and louder. _Why do you need to trick me? Why do you need to tell me that you’ve been travelling? Why do you need to leave me?_ More questions pop on my head. _Is he my Father? Is he the Hoshidan Prince I’ve been looking for? Or is he just a slave to deceive me?_

 

“Master… please…” Father softly spoke up. “It’s okay if I had no chance to return as a prince…” He sobs, with his arms hugging his chest. “Please…. Give me chance to raise my son with my own hands. It’s okay if I’m not a prince. It is okay if I am not treated properly. It is okay to be just a wageless maid.”

 

_Why is he begging to take care of me? Why is he so desperate to look after me?_

 

“Ever since I was locked here.” He continues with a softer tone. “I had many dreams… Many dreams that my siblings and my parents telling me to stay strong, encouraging me to not lose my mind, telling me that I can see them later. But now, they have all left me… They have all ignored me, abandoned me here. They have all forgotten… the existence of a man call… Takumi.” His voice shatters when he mentions his family. “B-But… Now… My son… K-Kiragi… He is the o-only one… Only one I have… I-I… J-just want to give him all… All the love I had… I-Is that asking too… too much? Is that… too much… that I want to… that I want to… protect… the only thing I have…?”

 

_It is true: He is the only Hoshidan Royal left. The only one captured and enslaved. The only one who live a worse life than dying._

 

_And I’m the only family he has._

 

“But a dream is just a dream, slut. You need to know what you can’t do.” Uncle Leo steps on Father’s head and chuckles. “Besides, you must hate me for what I’ve done you. Won’t you try to raise him and kill me?”

 

_Is that why I’m not allowed to see my Father for the past ten years? What had Father done to be locked in the prison for so long? Why is he locked in the basement?_

 

“No! Am I not being obedient enough, Master? Can I tell anything without you knowing it?” Father’s voice rises. He stares at my uncle, with tears rolling off his cheek. “I just want to stay close and raise my child. I promise I will not teach him anything that will be disadvantageous for you. I promise, Master, please. Let me stay with my son.”

 

_Father…_

 

_I’m sorry that I didn’t realise how much you want to stay with me. I’m sorry how much you need me._

 

“But look at you, doggy! You crawled on four at the second I threw you in!. See! Your body is more honest at the fact you’re a pet!”

 

_Why am I so stupid that didn’t realise Father was controlled?_

 

“B-but… If you give me more t-time…I can recover…”

 

_Why was I so stupid that I didn’t stop Father leaving?_

 

“The thing is, I don’t want to give you time. I just want to keep you as a pet. Am I clear?!”

 

_Why couldn’t I save him when we met?_

 

“Yes... Crystal… Clear…”

 

_Why can’t I do anything to stop him from suffering?!_

 

I fall on my knees and curls myself. _Why am I here? Why am I not going out, telling uncle Leo to stop?_ I nudge my head between my legs. _Why am I eavesdropping? Why am I staying here and do nothing?_ I can feel thousands of needles stabbing at my heart.

 

_Why… Why am I so powerless…_

 

“Beautiful…. Simply beautiful. Takumi, I’ll never get tired to see you suffer like this. Hey, pet? Look at your Master when he’s talking!”

 

I gaze at those two. Father is still lying on the ground, sobbing, with Uncle Leo kicking at his tummy. I push myself up and glance my Father for the last time. I was going to leave, just before heard Father muttering.

 

“I… I never wished to be born with this body, even when I was young. If I am not as pretty as I am now, no one would you have mistaken me as a girl. You would have killed me as soon as you defeat me. You would have at least let me suicide.” My tears filled my eyes before I realise it. “My beauty was the reason I got stripped from everything I had… My dignity, my freedom, my sense as a human, and all the skills I once had. I am now treated unlike a human, sold freely like merchandises, all because of my beauty.”

 

_How many times have I broken him during the dinner? How many times did he want to cry during the dinner?_

 

_Why… I thought I was saving him. I thought I was making him feel better._

 

_But no, I’m just hurting him more._

 

“And that kid innocently compliment it. Do you hate him doing so?”

 

I cover my mouth and sobs. _How would he not hate me after me doing these to him?_ I don’t know how much tears overflow my eyes and streams off my face. _Why would he still be begging to take care of me? Even after all the thing I have done?_ I tried to wipe off my tears but it doesn’t stop the silver line flowing on my cheek. _Why am I so innocently thinking to save him? Why did I ever think I am going to make him feel better?_

 

“The boy didn’t do anything wrong. He means well by complimenting me… It’s just he didn’t know why I am living this life.”

 

_Why… Why can you still forgive me? Why can you still act like nothing had happened? Why are you not mad at me?_

 

“Aren’t you a good father, slave? I didn’t know you _love_ your son _that much_.” Uncle Leo turns around and looks at the corner I’m hiding. “Your son would be happy to be you, despite you are a slave now.”

 

_Me? How would I let myself meet Father? It will just break him more._

 

“Kiragi! I know you are here!” He shouts. “Would you mind talking with your Father?”

 

I gasp. Maybe my sobs are becoming too loud. Maybe he heard me stepping on the ground. Maybe he saw me when I was peeking them.

 

I wipe off my tears, pretending that nothing had happened. “Yes! Uncle Leo!” I call him with the joyful tone I usually have. “I’m coming!”

 

_I can’t let uncle Leo know I was eavesdropping._

 

Yet my tears betray my feeling.

 

“What happened, Kiragi?” Uncle Leo pats my head. “Why are you crying?”

 

I glance at my father, but immediately look away from him. I can’t face him, after what I have done. I can’t talk properly with him, after hurting him as much as Uncle Leo did. I can’t him anymore, after breaking him.

 

“Ah! Am I crying?” I shake my head and smiles at Uncle Leo. “I’m fine!”

 

“M-master…” Father mumbles and begs. “Please... Don’t punish him… Everything is my fault. Please, just punish me instead.”

 

_Why are you blaming yourself, Father? It is my fault that…_

 

“Please, Master, spare the child! Torture me like you always do. But please don’t do anything to my child. I beg you! Please! I can give anything you want but just… not Kiragi…”

 

_You don’t need to save me, Father… I deserve those punishments…_

 

“Despite this kid is born exactly because you’ve become a sex slave? Despite this kid is half-Nohrian?”

 

_I’m just a product of sex. I’m just a ‘gift’ from Father ‘servicing’ other._

 

_Why do I even need to exist?_

 

“Y-yes. I still love him. He is still my child, even he has Nohrian blood, even he doesn’t know my existence until now. I still love him, and he is still my only family member… That’s why I beg you, Master. Please do not do anything to him! It’s me who gets captured but not…”

 

_Why do you need to love me? I’m just…_

 

_Just…_

 

“Despite this boy is an even more effective killing machine than you ever were? Even if he killed thousands of Hoshidans and all Queen Mikoto’s servants?”

 

“W-what? N-no… He is just a child… How could he…”

 

“Well, Kiragi. Tell him how you snipped those bad guys to death.”

 

_How did I kill those people? Is that what Father wants to know?_

 

“Kiragi?”

 

“Yes?” I gasp and glance at Father before replying. His amber eyes are staring at me, with a thin layer of tears covering his eyes.

 

_Is he crying because of me? Because I’m so useless that can only hurt him?_

 

_Will he feel better when he knows how good my archery is? And the fact that Fujin chose me?_

 

I look at my uncle, confusingly. _Should I tell him, or should I not?_ I can’t get the right answer no matter how many times I asked myself. _Father might be even more broken._ I can’t stop reminding myself.

 

_It might not goes well - Like the dinner._

 

I can’t stop questioning myself until father asks, “Is there something you want to tell me, Kiragi?”

 

“Yes… But…”

 

“I’ll love you no matter what you’ve done, Kiragi.” He smiles, so warmly, even though it is obvious he forces it. “So please, tell me what you must.”

 

“I-I’m now wielding Fujin Yumi… And…” I look away from father. Even though he told me to tell him, I’m not sure if he wants to listen to this. “I don’t know if you want me to be this, but…” I clench my fist and take a deep breath.

 

“I like hunting people. They are funnier than hunting animals in the forest.” Father’s face becomes twisted, but I know I can only continue. “I mean they are people who go against the rules, and rebels are bad people. Mother said they deserved it, people say I’m talented and will become a killing machine… But, what does that mean, Father?”

 

“K-Kiragi…” Father’s amber eyes gaze at me. I can feel his sadness and anger within. I can hear the shattering sound of his heart. I can see those eyes flickering in disbelief. “T-that’s… Wrong… Cruel… Don’t… Don’t be a killing machine…”

 

“Father! I’m…”

 

“But a slave has no right to correct the prince, my beautiful whore.” Uncle Leo places his hand on my forehead. “Let’s go, Kiragi. There is no reason staying here.”

 

“But…”

 

A sudden shock wave passes from uncle’s hand to my brain. “It’s time to sleep.” I can hear uncle Leo saying before kissing on my forehead. “Goodnight, Kiragi.”

 

Everything went dark after flickering a few times. I can only hear father calling ‘Kiragi’ desperately, as if _something_ is taken away once more.

 

“Kiragi! KIRAGI!”

 

I’ve no idea how many times my name was called. I’ve no idea why he wants me to stay.

 

“KIRAGIIIIIIIII!”

 

I can only hear those broken cries from him. I can only hear sobs from the underground prison.

 

But I can no longer remember who that voice is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiragi gets brainwashed and becomes a killing machine... But Takumi needs to suffer from the pain of losing his only son in front of him.
> 
> We're still thinking if we should continue this, let us know in the comments below!


	2. Distorted Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 years after Takumi's first time meeting Kiragi, he finally has another chance to talk with his son, who is brainwashed by Nohrians and trained as a killing-machine. He thought Kiragi would hate him for what he had done, but what he sees is the child-like innocence he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After hearing all your comments, I've finally written the sequel!
> 
> This happened 8 years after the last chapter (Kiragi is now 18 and Takumi is technically 38. But Takumi never grows and he still has the face of 18). Kiragi was brainwashed the last chapter and some memories are alternated. I suddenly prefer calling Leo 'Leo' rather than 'Master' at the moment, don't ask me why.
> 
> The left eye is the eye that Takumi depends on during archery. Leo actually loves Kiragi and treats him like his son.
> 
> This is written in Takumi's POV.

A dim light shines onto the ground of the underground basement. The faint candlelight moves closer after shutting the door. Leo is here, again, checking on my health. His footsteps vibrate the ground and his metal armour clings each step he takes.

 

“How’s Kiragi?” I rise my head. My arms hug my knees and I’m leaning on the corner of the cell. “I’ve brought you the 100M you want. You promised me that you will remove Kiragi from the front line.”

 

“He is back in his room, studying.” He opens the prison door and enters the cell. “Look at you - Your hair is tainted with red, your skin is covered with bruises, your ankles are twisted and deep scars all over your body. It seems that the last customer was harsh.” He places down the candle and locks the door behind. “You know that he is a senseless killing machine, so why do you still sacrifice for him?”

 

“Because I brought him here. I brought him into this world of suffrage.” I nudge my head between my knees. My arms are shaking, my body is trembling in fear. “I’m the one who fell into this dungeon. I’m the one who meant to be tortured. But Kiragi isn’t the same - He is innocent.” I try to raise my head again, but the scar on my neck stops me. “Even if you have already manipulated him… Even if he has already forgotten that I’m his dad… Even if he thinks I'm the murder…”

 

Quiet sobs leave my mouth as tears prick from my right eye. My left eye, however, can only cry out blood. Blood that represent despair.

 

_“There you go, pet!” Leo kicked me into the battleground of the callosum. Nohrians were packed all around the stadium, waiting for the battle. “Your long lost Kiragi will be here soon!”_

 

_“Y-Yes.” It was about five years ago, when Leo first promised to show me Kiragi again. Of course, I was told that Kiragi had successfully turned into a killing machine, gaining popularity all over the country. He was brainwashed and has already forgotten my existence. Even then, he is still my son, my son whom I love._

 

_“This might be your last time seeing your son, just that you know.” Leo shackled both my wrists and my ankles and attached the chains to a nearby pole. “Even though I don’t think you want to see him again, either.”_

 

_“I know… He just thinks I’m a Hoshidan slave now…” I looked at the ground and stood on four. “But I still want to believe… I still want to see his face once more.”_

 

_The bell rang and the gate opened. Behind the door, it stood my one and only son, Kiragi, holding Fujin Yumi beside him. The Nohrians shouted his name, cheered him for being the ‘merciless prince’ and a ‘sniper’. Kiragi stared at the crowd and snickered, without showing any emotion._

 

_It wasn’t like the Kiragi I saw 3 years ago, the one hugging me and trying to protect me. The one who risked his life in order to know the truth._

 

_He then walked towards me. I shifted my sight up - from his shoes to his chest then to his chin and at last, met his eyes. Those eyes that showed nothing but hatred. Those eyes that saw nothing but bloodshed. Those eyes that didn’t reflect the slightest light._

 

_Those were no longer the innocent eyes he once had._

 

_“Who is he? Uncle Leo? Why is he in the stadium?” He glanced at me before looking back at Leo. His voice was cold and sharp, not like the cheerful voice he once had. “He will just get in my way.”_

 

_“Just a Hoshidan slut, Kiragi. You know, one of those rebel that’s worth enslaving.” Leo crossed his hand and sit in the first row. “He just need to know how powerful we are.”_

 

_“I see. I thought it was one of the targets. It would be too boring to shoot him like this.” He gave me a cold shoulder before walking to the centre of the callosum. My body was shivering, especially when Kiragi gave me that merciless glance. My arms were trembling when he spawned the bowstring from Fujin. My tears overflowed my eyes when he said ‘Look at me, slave. You’ll just be more heartbroken if you care for the ones who fought beside you.’_

 

_“I-I…”_

 

_Maybe I would feel better if I weren’t your father. If I didn’t bring you into this troubles. If I told you to stay ignorant and follow all Leo’s instructions from the start. If you didn’t get brainwashed by those Nohrians and forgot me._

 

_My words were stuck in my throat. I knew that Kiragi is brainwashed, but why did I even hope that he would call me ‘father’ once more? I knew Kiragi will be killing my people in front of me, but why did I still hope he will return to his senses? Why did I still hope for a normal family? That I will be able to see Kiragi’s smiling face everyday? That I can talk and play with him endlessly? That he will save my broken soul?_

 

_Another gate opened and rebels from Hoshido, Nohr and many other small countries which I don’t know. The soldiers pulled the chains and led the rebels out. They then removed all the shackles on the prisoners when Kiragi noded._

 

_“If you can step in the gate beside me,” Kiragi pointed at the gate he had entered, “you will be free. However, if you failed to do so, you will be killed.” He raised his bow and beckoned the soldiers to put the obstacle onto the field. “You can also go back to the gate you entered, but then you will be enslaved,” He tilted his head and gazed at me with those dull eyes. “Like him.”_

 

_Like me._

 

_Is that how you see me now, Kiragi? A normal rebel slave?_

 

_Did you remember I promise you I’ll tell you the truth when I see you again? Did you remember I was shouting your name when you were caught?_

 

_Did you… Even remember who that voice was?_

 

_“Are you done planning yet? Nohrians are bored of seeing you whispering!” Kiragi interrupted and pointed his bow at the rebel’s head. “Should I shot one of you down?”_

 

_Is that the way you communicate now, Kiragi? That you only know how to talk with your bow pointing at other’s head?_

 

_One of the rebels was pushed forward and sprinted behind a nearby obstacle, while others ran in another direction, hoping the distraction would work. Some were too afraid to move and their legs were shivering._

 

_But those struggles were useless. They would be shot in no time._

 

_In the hands of my one and only son._

 

_“You’re finally done, rabbits.” He pulled the bowstring and aimed at the bait. Without the slightest hesitation, he loosed his grip and the arrow shot directly into the rebel’s head. Blood crushed out from that innocent head, even though his eyes were still rolling around and his body was still moving._

 

_“Go! Prince Kiragi! Kill them all!”_

 

_“Time to show them the true power of Nohr!!”_

 

_Kiragi glanced at me: His eyes didn’t even show the slightest guilt for killing. His arms weren’t shaking like when I first killed someone. His feet were still, as if nothing had happened. As if he was used to slaughtering._

 

_“No… It’s wrong… D-Don’t.”_

 

_Those rebels fell one by one with green arrows shot in their head. The ground was painted in red and with the rebels’ corpses. Yet, what frightened me the most is Kiragi’s smirk whenever he hit a target. That evil smile whenever he heard those people yelping._

 

_Is that what Kirgi has become? A psychic that loves killing? That enjoy killing and torturing more than anything else?_

 

_Is that what my son becomes when I wasn’t there? When he got no love and lost interest in living?_

 

_“W-Why a-are you… we have given up already… why…?”_

 

_The voice was silenced by a shot in the neck, separating his head from his body. The survivors screamed as Kiragi walked towards the ‘enslave gate’, pointing at the their head with his bow._

 

_Why? They have given up already, Kiragi? Why do you still need to kill?_

 

_Are you angry because I wasn’t here? Because you can’t be loved like every other person?_

 

_That you just want to express your anger at killing people? And you are jealous what others’ have?_

 

_Or are you angry simply because I’m your father? That you are a son of a slave?_

 

_“There is no use to keep you living.” His eyes narrowed and another green arrow was shot. “You are going to kill more people. You are just going to separate more families!”_

 

_“P-Please… No… Just let us live… AH!”_

 

_Another arrow, another body fell onto the ground. The rebel were leaning on the back of the wall, hands over the head, begging for Kiragi to spare them. There were women, elderly, and even children kneeling in front of Kiragi, praying to every single God they could think of._

 

 _“Stop… No… Kiragi…” I crawled forward with my eyes crying and mouth muffling. “They have given up already… Don’t kill them… Kiragi…_ _T-They are dead already! P-Please!”_

 

_If you want to aim at someone, aim at me._

 

_I’m the cause of your anger. I’m the cause of you being a senseless doll._

 

_I’m the cause of everything._

 

_“Oh look! The Ex-Prince is finally mad!”_

 

_“Heh. Poor Takumi but he is going to be killed by his son.”_

 

_“As if he were really a father. He is nothing but the sperm donor.”_

 

_“My Father?” Kiragi turned at me and glared at the crowd. “Who even dare to say that slave is my Father?”_

 

_“Just kill him! Let him die at the hands of his own son!”_

 

_“Go Prince Kiragi! Let Takumi knows how strong you are!”_

 

_A green line struck through the crowd and hit the wall. “Whoever say that slave is my Father again will be killed now!” He lowered his bow as the crowd became quiet in a sudden. He grabbed my hair and pulled me back to the pole._

 

_“K-Prince Kiragi…”_

 

_“How dare you!” His eyes were burning with anger. His breaths became unsteady and the tug became harsher. “How dare you to taint my dead Father!”_

 

_Taint? You say? Did you still admire your father?_

 

_Like how you once were?_

 

_“My Father was the Prince of Hoshido! Not some random rebel slaves! He was killed because of the filthy hands of your kind!” He stumped my head against the pole._

 

_Yes, Kiragi. I am the one who killed the Prince Takumi that you admire. I am the one who shattered your dream._

 

_“You’re a disgrace! Both to Nohr and your own country! Killing Royals just to get money! You separated my father and me! You know?” His tears pricked from his eyes. His voice was shivering, so as his legs._

 

_I'm a disgrace, after all. I am the one who takes 'family' away from you. I'm the one who takes 'love' away from your life._

 

_“Why did you have those amber eyes? Those amber eyes that are same as my Father’s?” He spawned the bowstring, yet he hesitated when pointing the arrow at my eye. He gasped when he looked at my eyes once more, as if he recalled the times we spent together._

 

_As if he remembered his real father's soft touches and hugs._

 

_“Aim at me, if that’s what you want.” I lifted Fujin and pointed the arrow at my left eye, the eye that I depend on when using a bow. “If that can ease your anger, even the slightest.”_

 

_Kill me, Kiragi. Kill the slave father you have._

 

_I took a deep breath and had a good look at my son, who was weeping in anger and confusion. He will destroy my eye, for sure, or maybe even kill me._

 

 _But if my eye can ease his anger and sorrow,_ _it is all worth_ _._

 

_If Kiragi can smile after taking away my life, it is all worth._

 

_Tears streamed down from my left eye for one last time. I smiled softly and met his eyes,_

 

_“Kill me.”_

 

_The arrow was released, striking through my eyes through my brain. Blood was contaminating my hair in red, and my left eye was bursted into pieces. Fujin’s green light surrounded me, as if he remembered me, as if he sang the last song before seeing me die._

 

_Kiragi was terrified and fell onto his knees. He covered his face with his hand, as if memories had suddenly rushed back. As if he realised he destroyed his father’s eyes._

 

_I smiled, so weakly. Blood floated out from my left eyes, ever since._

 

“I’m still impressed by my handicraft skill. I’ve never thought I would be able to remake that eye.” Leo lifts my chin and his hand floats above my eye. “Your left eye is still as beautiful as before.” He smirks before losing the grip and taking out the healing tome. “Why did you ask Kiragi to aim at you, anyway? Were you so naive to think that he will remember you after he shoots you?”

 

“You won’t know it, even if I tell you. It is like walking in a dark maze and that child is the only light you have.” I gaze up at Leo as he heals all the scars. “You just want to give everything you had to that child. All the love you had, you have, and what you will have. Everything just to make him smile.”

 

_Even if all my hard work on archery is all trashed by that one eye,_

 

_Even if you have forgotten me and think I’m the one who killed your father,_

 

_Even if you hate me more than anything else,_

 

_As long as I can ease your pain, as long as I can make you smile, even if it is just for a second,_

 

_It is worth doing it._

 

_Afterall, I was the one who killed the ‘Prince Takumi’ you like. The father you want me to be. I was the one who decided to fall in the Nohrians’ trap and become their sex pet. I was the one who killed my princely self._

 

_I’ve failed you, Kiragi. I’ve failed to be your father._

 

“I guess that is something called ‘parental love’, right? That you are willing to sacrifice everything just for that child.” The scar behind my neck closes, yet tears and blood can’t stop flowing out of my eyes. “Speaking of which, Kiragi will be 18 soon. You know, the age of becoming an adult and…”

 

“And you want him to rape me?” My head sinks. I knew that it is just a matter of time before he will use me properly. I knew Leo is going to brainwash him so he doesn't know he is raping his very father. I knew Master wants to insult me more when I bow down in front of my child, begging him to fill me. But then, the thought of me lying under Kiragi, naked, really scares me. We are, at least we were father and son before.

 

“I didn’t force him to. Kiragi asked for it.” He attaches the leash and throws me the yukata. “Wear it and we will go now.”

 

“Now?” I put on the sleeves and look up at Leo. “B-But I… The scars and bruises are still here! I can’t meet Kiragi at this state…”

 

“Do you still think he is your son?” He tugs the leash and throws me forward. “He only sees you as a slave now! Why do you need to care about your look? Why can’t you just treat him like those Nohrian noble? Weren’t you begging me to sell you again and again even though you were completely damaged?”

 

“I-It’s different… Ah!” Every step stings. My twisted ankles haven’t fully recovered and blood is still pricking out from the deep scars. I crawl and follow - I can only walk on four ever since I was trapped here. The pain in the crotch is just too much to bear whenever I stand up, especially after being tortured by those Nohrians. They just shove whatever they can into me until I can no longer scream.

 

But Kiragi is different - He wouldn’t rape me if I were there. He wouldn’t slaughter everyone if I was guiding his childhood. He wouldn’t be a merciless killer if he knows I’m still alive.

 

Just that… I am no longer that proudful prince I was.

 

We soon arrive Kiragi’s room and Leo knocks the door. It isn’t long before Kiragi comes out and stares at me with those cold-blooded eyes. Those eyes that only show hatred.

 

I cover my left eye - It is a shame to show it. The eye that was shot down by his own son, the eyes that shows how low and how inferior I currently am.

 

“Have fun, Kiragi.” Leo passes the leash to Kiragi and kicks me into his room. “You know how to behave, right? Slut?”

 

I lower my head and curls myself up like a hedgehog. _Kiragi is going to rape me, he is going to torture me._ I can’t stop repeating this in my head. _Maybe he is going to remember who I am. Maybe he will realise that he just fucked his father._

 

_And he will be broken when he realises his father is just a slut. He will curse the world for having such a failure as his father._

 

_Such a failure that fell into the Nohrians’ hands._

 

“How’s your eye?” He unclips the leash and moves a chair in front of me. “I am surprised that you survived the hit. I’m even more shocked when uncle Leo healed it.” He sits in front of me and talks with a soft voice. “It functions well, does it?”

 

“It’s a shame for me, no matter it is good or not.” I hide my sobs and nudge my head closer to my chest. “Master… Lord Leo told me that you are going to rape me anyways, so why do you need to care about it?”

 

“I'm not going to rape you. I’m not into that.” He crosses his arms and stares at me. “Even if I am, you are too similar to my father. I asked uncle Leo to have you as my slut solely because I want to get near you.”

 

I look up and meet Kiragi’s eyes, which shines as bright as when I first met him. That senseless-killing-machine aura seems to have disappeared all in a sudden. His tone is still quite cold, even though his smile is warm my heart.

 

“You are awfully similar to my father. You have those amber eyes and platinum hair that my father once had.” He mutters and looks away. His face suddenly turns pale, as if he recalls all the days he had with his father.

 

“Ever since that day, my father’s eyes were bleeding whenever I saw him in my dreams. I first thought it was just a coincidence. By the time I realised I am guilty, I was already stationed in the front line.” He lowers his voice and clenches his fist. “I could only wait till now to tell you. I’m sorry for what I have done.”

 

“You don’t need to be. I’m just a mere slave and you are a prince.” I focus on the ground and sit with hand wrapping around my knees. I should have realised that Kiragi is suffering from nightmares like me, especially after he shoot my eye. I should have realised that Kiragi sees his father in me when he hesitated. I shouldn’t have asked him to shoot me, so that he won’t have to undergo that endless guilt.

 

“I should be sorry for hurting you in return. I didn’t realise that I bear such a close resemblance to your father… That it reminds you of him.”

 

_I thought I would be able to ease your pain. I thought this will reduce your anger. I thought I would help you._

 

_But after all, I’m just hurting you more._

 

_I’m just a bad father, am I?_

 

“You’re acting really odd.” He leans towards me and tilts his head. “Why are you apologizing? Why did you care so much about me? Why did you ask me to kill you?”

 

“I-I don’t know…” I flinch and my eyes flicker. I can’t tell him I’m his father - I don’t want him to know it either. A heroic Hoshidan Prince who fell defeating his country is what Kiragi should have for a father, but not a slut who has been modified as a sex pet. He deserves something better than me as a father, something better than an ex-prince as a father.

 

“You reminds me of my son,” I mutter and hug myself closer. “my son who was captured by Nohrians.”

“Wait? You have a SON?” He shouts and glares at me doubtfully. “You look younger than me!”

 

I shake my head and cover my face with the bang. Tears and blood squeeze out from my eyes as I whisper. “Master… Lord Leo had done something to me… something that turned me young."

 

“I have… I had a son. He was captured by Nohrians when he was five and never came back ever since.” I peek at Kiragi, the one who got ‘captured’, the one I lost for many many years. “That’s why I joined the rebel, hoping to save him, but I ended up getting enslaved.”

 

There is a long pause. Kiragi seems to have noticed something - maybe he feels the same way as I do - losing the important one of our lives. Maybe he realises that he is ‘the captured child’.

 

“And then?”

 

“The Nohrians told me that they will keep my captured son safe as long as I’m obedient. It’s that time they started to do all the terrible things at me: torturing me until I can’t retaliate back, forcing me to give in until I’ve forgotten how to scream, turning me back to youth and calling me ‘Prince Takumi’ because how similar we look... They just threw everything at me just to express their hatred to Hoshido.”

 

I bite my lips, though muffled cries escaped my lips. My body is shivering whenever I remember the pain whips. “I don’t know… I don’t remember why they threw me back to that callosum back then. They probably want to insult me more with this fake ‘Prince Takumi’ identity.” I nudge my head deep, deep into my chest, until no one can see me weeping. “I could see my son’s image when you screamed at me. He must be angry, seeing me fall like this. He must be mad at me that he can’t get any love from his parents. I thought I would save myself… I would have a good conscious if you take away my dependent eye. I thought I would end his anger if you take away my life. Then… then…”

 

_Then you won’t know you have the worst father in the world._

 

Kiragi’s face twists and stares at me confusingly. Of course, he has every right to think it is a fake story. He has the very right to doubt that I’m his real father. He can just question me as much as he likes. But…

 

_But I don’t want to him to suffer from the pain of losing again._

 

“I’m sorry for how rude I was.” Kiragi breaks the silence. “I was really prejudiced. I thought you were bribing me or you are…”

 

_Or I’m?_

 

“No, that’s impossible. Forget about it, Kiragi.” He shakes his head and walks to the kitchen. “Take a seat. I’ll serve you food later.”

 

“Y-You don’t need to serve me! I mean… You don’t need to give me food because I’m a slave!” I try to stop Kiragi, but he winks and asks me to stay. I crawl up the chair and sit at the edge of the table.

 

“That is the only Hoshidan food I can make.” He places a big bowl of miso soup in front of me. “My father used to love this… I think it’s called ‘mee-so’ soup.”

 

I smile, so weakly. Afterall, he is the same Kiragi who hugged me during that dinner, the same innocent son I had. He still admires his father over everyone else and hopes to follow his footsteps.

 

“T-Thanks.” I clap my hand and tears fall off my face before I realise it. “Thank you for the food…”

 

“Your eyes are bleeding!” He runs beside me and gives me a handkerchief. “Here… Wait, you are crying out blood! Are you…”

 

His face is shocked. It then sinks and turns pale.

 

“Did I do this?” He clenches his fist and murmurs. “Your eyes… It is a mess.”

 

“It’s fine! No big problem, really!” I wipe the blood off and shake his shoulders. “I mean… I didn’t have Hoshidan food for long so I really need to thank you for what you have done! A-And I can still see as good as before! So no big deal!”

 

“No…It’s not just that… If your son sees this…No, not only your eyes, but that brand too…” He glances at my forehead and his head sinks again. “How can you tell him that it’s because I shoot your eye down? How can you tell that you were tortured enslaved because you want to help him?”

 

I look away and drink a sip of miso soup. “That was a lie, Prince Kiragi.” He looks at me and his eyes are filled with confusion. “I don’t even know if my son is still alive. I just want to believe he is.” I lower my voice and look myself in the reflection of the soup.

 

“He should be dead. Nohrians are only taking advantage of me. He should hate me for being such a failure. He should hate me for falling so low and becoming a sex slave.” I whisper and glance at Kiragi, my lost son, my son that is presumably dead.

 

“But then if he is alive… no matter how slim the chance might be… I’ll still be willing to die for him.”

 

_Even if you get everything away from me,_

 

_Even if you destroy all my limbs and play me like a doll,_

 

_Even if you decide to throw me to hell and need me to suffer endlessly,_

 

_As long as you can smile for me,_

 

_Even once,_

 

_I will die for you, Kiragi._

 

“H-He is still alive!” Kiragi shakes his head and holds my hand. “He won’t be mad at you! At all! I won’t be mad at my father even if he becomes a slave! I mean… I’ll love my father no matter what happened!”

 

_Is it, Kiragi? You won't hate me for being a slut? A whore?_

 

“Since you have talked about your son, maybe I should talk about my father!” He grabs a chair nearby and sits with his legs separated. “My father is the Prince of Hoshido. He was, at least, before Hoshido was defeated.” He leans back and smiles, so purely, so innocently.

 

_As if nothing has happened._

 

“When I was young, people told me that my father was dead. Uncle Leo and Mother kept on saying they are sorry for me but they gave all the love they have. Even though my father isn’t here, I can feel my father’s ghost is beside me and protects me from danger.”

 

“But then at my tenth birthday, uncle Leo suddenly told me my father was found and he would like to have a dinner with me.” He claps his hand and closes his eyes. “That was the best day of my life, even though I can barely remember my father’s face now. He was so beautiful… He had platinum hair and amber eyes like you. His smile eased all the troubles and fear in my heart. We then talked about all the adventures he had in these ten years. It was just… magnificent.”

 

I cross my fingers and gaze at him genuinely. After all these years, Kiragi still hopes for another chance to meet his father. He still wants his father to caress him to sleep. He still wants his father staying with him for a night.

 

_Something that I can’t do. Something that my Master won’t allow me to do._

 

“You must love your father,” I mutter and stare at my reflection. “You must want him to stay with you forever.” I bite my lips as tears filled my eyes.

 

“Yes. But then fate doesn’t want to keep us together.” He takes a deep breath and sighs. “My father was killed by rebels the day he left, and that drove me crazy. I thought every rebel is a murder, and everyone contributed to my father’s death. I wanted to make everyone feel the same way as I do - I wanted to break every family up so they know how devastated I was. That was when I met you.” He gazes at me and sinks his head. “At the first glance, I thought you were my father. I didn’t know how to react - I didn’t know if I should be happy that he had returned or I should just end all these nonsense immediately.”

 

“I was so confused. At that moment, I really feel like you were my father, especially when you aimed Fujin at your left eye.” He avoids my eyes and swallows his saliva. “That was a left eye, the eye that archers depend on. I knew I was going to destroy my father’s archery skill, but that hatred and frustration manipulated me. By the time the arrow has already struck through your brain, it was too late to regret.”

 

“I’m sorry for mumbling about my problems.” His voice is as soft as a mouse. “I didn’t mean to keep assuming you as my father. I know he is dead. He is no longer in this world.” Tears start to fill up his eyes again. “But what if… what if he is still alive? What if that miracle happens again? What if he comes back again?”

 

A piece of silence, again. There is only Kiragi’s weeps floating through the air. I want to tell him his father is alive and is still protecting him. I want to tell him everything will be alright and he doesn’t need to feel lonely again. I want to hug him and sing him a lullaby until all his tears are gone

 

_But what can I do? What can I do as an outsider? What can I do as a slave?_

 

_Is this how powerless I truly am? That I can’t even stop tear shedding from his eyes?_

 

_Because I’m nothing more than a sex doll?_

 

“Can you do me a favour?” Kiragi wipes his tears off with the back of his hand. His voice and his head raise. “One last thing, I swear.”

 

“Yes, Prince Kiragi. What would you like me to do?”

 

He jumps off the chair and unlocks his secret cabinet. “Can you put these on?” He takes the pile of Hoshidan archery clothes out and places it on the table.

 

Eyes widened, I soon realise those were my archery uniform. Those are the one I wore before - the one I wore when I was a prince. It is perfectly kept - all the loose lines are fixed and it is perfectly clean. All the torn scraps before are mended. There isn’t a single dirt or blood on it.

 

“My father once wore this.” He mutters and places my red ribbon on top of the pile. “I don’t know if it will fit you, but… I just want to see my father once more… Even if it is fake…”

 

“It’s okay. I know how you feel.” I lean on the table and stagger towards him. 

 

_Afterall, I am your real father, and you are the son whom I’m willing to sacrifice everything on._

 

_You are the only trim of light that is left in my life._

 

I take the pile of cloth and stagger to the edge of the room, where Kiragi can turn away and look away. I pick up my archery tunic - It is still as soft as it was. It still has the silky feeling and the warmth of Mother’s hand. I can still feel the love and tears when my Mother was making me the clothing.

 

But when I touch the fabric longer, I can feel Kiragi's sweat and tears. I can hear him talking to it and asking my past. I can feel those tears when he mends the cloth and asks why his father is dead.

 

I stumble to the bed, where Kiragi is waiting me with the brush on his hand. “The ponytail and you’re done,” He brushes my hair, smoothly and warmly, like how Mother used to caress my hair when I was young. He then carefully gathers my hair and circles the ribbon around.

 

_But now, rather than Mother, it is Kiragi doing it for me._

 

He steps back and gazes at me, with hands covering his mouth. Is he shocked or surprised? I don’t know. But what I’m sure that his tears stream down his face and his eyes are red and puffy.

 

“F-Father…” He jumps and glomps me. “Father… I miss you… I’m lonely here...”

 

_Did he realise that I’m Prince Takumi? Or is he too desperate to see his father again?_

 

“Kiragi… I’m back.” I wrap my arms around my son, who is weeping in my hug. Even though he is already taller than me, but then his charming nature, his innocent personality and his warm smile are still the same.

 

_But no matter what it is,_

 

_“I will give all the love I had,_

 

_All the love I have,_

 

_And all the love I will have to you._

 

_Cause you are_

 

_The only light in my dark journey of life.”_

 

-

 

“What are you smiling at?” I am thrown back in this basement cell again. It has been a week, or a bit more, after meeting Kiragi. However, his smile and his voice is crafted on my heart.

 

“Nothing.” I jerk back and shake my head. “Are you here to punish me? Because I told him something he shouldn’t know. And I…”

 

“You made him smile.” Leo taps his finger on my forehead and lifts my chin. “I guess that will be it for now.”

 

“S-So… Master, what are you coming for?”

 

“Here.” He snatches a note out of his pocket and passes it to me. “Kiragi thought you are illiterate so he asked me to tell you. But you haven’t forgotten how to read, right?”

 

I nod and flip open the note, it says:

 

_‘Takumi’,_

 

_I know this isn’t your true name, but that is the only way I can call you now. I am sorry for all the troubles you have been through, especially about your eye. I have already asked Uncle Leo not to punish you for what you have done that night._

 

_I find your presence to be magnificent - I feel a lot better after talking to you. My father’s eyes (in my dream) no longer bleed and I can feel his ghost guarding beside me again. It is as if my father has listened to our conversation._

 

_I would like to help searching your lost son. Would you mind giving his name to Uncle Leo so that I can do further investigation about his whereabouts?_

 

_Hope you and your son the best._

 

_Kiragi_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takumi begged Leo to sell him because he wants to get Kiragi away from the front line... You're the best father in the whole world T.T I'm really sorry for keeping you in this dungeon.
> 
> Kiragi you're making your father cry again. Don't you realise you are the lost child? Don't you realise Takumi is your father?


	3. To where He belongs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo is severely sick and he can no longer supply magic to withstand Takumi's life and seal Kiragi's memories. At the last few minutes before Takumi's death, Kiragi hugs his father, begging him to live and regain the time they lost. Yet, his father dies in his own hug, and Kiragi's sorrow soon swallows him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is (finally) the chronological end for Cherished Disgrace (it is weird to put the ending in a spin-off). HOWEVER, despite how sorry and guilty I feel for Takumi in this chapter (more for Kiragi tbh), I will still continue writing Cherished Disgrace. Ya!
> 
> Kiragi is 28, and both Leo and Takumi are 48 in this chapter (even though Takumi still has the face of 18). Hoshidans hate Kiragi mainly because he slaughtered Hoshidans and was a killing machine, not because he was Takumi's son (that's why Hoshidans supported him in the first chapter). 
> 
> In case you don't know: Leo turned Takumi's soul into the collar in the start of this series (That's why Takumi is a complete doll and he needs Leo's magic to sustain his life). As Leo is getting weaker because of the sickness, Takumi will eventually die because he no longer has magic to sustain his life.
> 
> (I tried a new writing style... Not proofread so expect a lot of grammatical mistakes)

Kiragi rushes to the basement prison. His lost memories cram his brain - His father’s face is no longer blurry, but sharp and focus. His platinum hair is tied into a ponytail and his amber eyes are warm. His smile is genuine, yet tears prick from the edge of his eyes.

 

_That slave… That ‘Takumi’. He must be my father. He is way too similar to believe that he is another person. There is no doubt about it._

 

More of his lost memories return. The scene where he had a dinner party with his father, the scene where he tracked uncle Leo to the basement prison, the scene where he saw his father treated like a dog in the cell, the scene where he was being brainwashed - The lie that he has been told is shattered into fragments. The truth has finally come to light.

 

_Is that why father never see me despite how much he loves me? Is he locked and enslaved ever since the war ended? Is that why he asked me to kill him? Is that why he sacrificed everything just to make me feel better? Is that why he never tell me who that lost child is? Is that why he cries whenever I wish his child the best?_

 

The grip on Fujin Yumi tightens when he arrives the utterly dark prison. He spawns the glowing bowstring and continues his run to the darkest and deepest cell. The one where his father is locked.

 

_Please, Fujin. Please, guide me to my father. You have once served him, right? You want me to meet him, right? Please, I need your guidance! I need to see him! I have so many things to tell him! I need to regain his freedom back!_

 

He soon arrives the end of the corridor. He throws himself at the metals bars that keep his father away for so many years - That prison door that locks his father away from him. Fujin’s bowstring shines brighter and reflects the tears and blood on his father’s face.

 

“Kiragi… My lost son… Is that you?” Takumi whispers without moving his head. He is leaning against the wall, eyes closed. His wrists and ankles are all shackled, with loose chains shattered all over the ground. His body is painted with deep scars and purplish spots. His limbs are twisted and rested on the ground. “Those footsteps… They are not the ones Leo has… So hurried… So light… So kind…”’

 

“Father!” Kiragi breaks the lock and chains and hugs his father. “Are you okay? Father! It’s alright now, it’s safe now! I’m here - Kiragi is here. Your lost son is back!”

 

“K-Kiragi…” He can feel his father’s body shivering against his hug. “May I… May I lean on you… on your shoulders?”

 

“Yes.” Kiragi rests Takumi’s head on his shoulder and smoothes his back. He soon realises his hair are no longer platinum, but grey and tainted with blood stain. The loose strands are stuck on his skin and his hair is so fragile because of the frequent tugging action. His yukata is covered with blood spots. Yet, what disgusted him the most is Takumi having the same look as when he first saw him - he is shorter and looks younger than him, his growth has been inhibited ever since the end of the war. “Are you okay, Father? I’m back now… You are free now… So let’s regain the time we lost… Let’s…”

 

“I can’t, Kiragi, I’m going to die soon.” His tears and blood soak his shoulder wet. “I should have spent more time with you… I should have comforted you more in the scarce time we spent… I should have protected you… But I’m sorry, son, I can do neither of those… Anymore.”

 

“Why?” Kiragi sobs and hugs his father closer. He can feel those weak breaths against his skin, his trembling body that is too afraid to leave his son in this wicked world alone. “We have just met, so why do you need to leave me again? Why can’t you stay a bit longer? Why can’t you do what you want? Can’t you regain your freedom, even if you are about to die?”

 

Takumi smiles weakly and his body twitches. “Kiragi, I’m no longer a human. I was dead so, so long ago… Before you were born.” He nuzzles to Kiragi’s neck and his platinum hair slide down from his back. “I was turned into a doll, and Leo used his magic to sustain my life - The life that should be dead when Hoshido fell.” He muffles and his body falls into Kiragi’s hug. “But then… Now… I live long enough to see you grow up… to see you live happily… to see you hugging me and staying with me at my last moment… to see you weeping and begging me to live longer...”

 

“Father! But I’ve so much more to tell you! You can’t die now!” Kiragi wants to shake his shoulders, but he realises his arms are mangled. His heart barely beats, and his breaths are getting weaker and weaker. “Please… Don’t leave me, Father! I love you more than anything! I just want you to stay here for one more night! Please! I beg you!”

 

“I want to stay with you too, son, but this is our last meeting,” Takumi mutters and Kiragi’s eyes widen. “I won’t be in heaven with you… I can’t be. I have done so many filthy things… committed so many sins that even my family has abandoned me… And I’ve failed to be a father… ”

 

“No! Father! You sacrifice yourself to protect me! You wanted me to be safe all the time! You…”

 

“There is no use denying it, son. Fates have already chosen my path.” He tries to move his finger but he muffles in pain. “I want to be with you longer… I want this moment to last forever… But I’m not the one to decide.” His voice becomes weaker and weaker. “Cut my hair… Make it as a bracelet… So you won’t forget me… You won’t forget that I always love you… You won’t forget I always support you… that I will always be at your side… that you are never alone… Never suffering alone...”

 

Kiragi gasps and tries to hide his sadness. “I will always remember you, Father, cause I love you more than anything else! You will remember me after you die, right? I’ll find you no matter how long it takes! This will not be our last meeting, right? Father!”

 

His voice becomes desperate. He knows, it will be his last moment with his father. He knows, there will never be a miracle that saves his father. Yet, deep in his heart, he still doesn’t want to admit defeat to the Reaper. He still doesn’t want his father’s life to be taken away right in front of his own eyes.

 

Takumi chuckles and feels the warmth his son gives him. “As long as you can live happily, I’m fulfilled.” He takes one last breath and forces a smile.

 

“Can I see you smile… one last time? Before… Before I arrive the land of darkness?”

 

Kiragi wipes his tears away and lifts his father’s head. His right eye blinks and he slowly opens his amber eye. The son grabs his father’s hand and forces the warmest smile, even though tears stream down his face.

 

“Father! I will smile more than everyone else! I will remember you no matter how long it is! I will always…”

 

Takumi grips Kiragi’s hand softly and tilts his lips up. His watery eyes reflect the last shard of light. He feels the warmness of the air around, the glowing light Fujin produces, and the smile on his son’s face.

 

 _Is this how beautiful the world is?_ He recalls all the moments he had with his family, laughing, giggling, crying, and fighting side by side. He remembers the sound of the forest bird squeaking, the sound of river water hitting the stone, the sound of his siblings playing Hoshidan instruments. The soft touch his mother has, the encouraging words Ryoma gave - It keeps on repeating and repeating in his head.

 

But now, all that matter is the child in front of him - The lonely yet innocent kid he has. He wants to caress his face, but he is too weak to do so. Once in so long, he wants to continue living. He wants to continue living for this child and see him smile. He wants this moment to last forever.

 

_Kiragi,_

 

_No matter what happened to you,_

 

_Even if everyone is against you, even if no one is supporting you, even if the last shard of hope dies,_

 

_I will also be there for you,_

 

_Because I…_

 

_“Love… you… forever…”_

 

The amber in his iris fades and his eye closes. His last tear drops onto the ground and the grip in Kiragi’s hand loosen, as if his life is dragged out from his body.

 

“Father!” Kiragi hugs Takumi’s dead body closer, but he can only feel the coldness within. “Father… Why… Why do you need to leave me? Why can’t you stay a while longer? Why… I have just gained my memories back… Why can’t I act as a son for a while? Why?!”

 

Kiragi weeps and shakes Takumi awake, but all it does is feeling how empty the body is and how sorrow he feels. His tears hit the ground, shattering both the water droplet and his heart into fragments.

 

-

 

“So you have known the truth.”

 

Kiragi walks into uncle Leo’s room, silently. Tears are dried up at the edge of his eyes and muffled sobs are hidden behind his lips. His body is covered with his father’s blood and he carries Takumi’s corpse to his room.

 

“You must hate me now, for what I have done to your father.” Leo gazes at his nephew as he places his father’s dead body on the couch nearby. The uncle is lying on his bed, with a tray of medicine lying beside him. His throat is dry and his voice is soar. His lower body is paralyzed, and he can only slightly move his head to look at him.

 

“Why did you do that? Why did capture my father?” Kiragi moves a chair and sits beside his uncle. “I don’t know how to react - I can’t get myself to hate you. You have helped me so much throughout my life. But… I can’t forgive you for what you have done to my father either.”

 

Leo closes his eyes and sighs. “It was 30 years ago, when Nohr still had a policy that they should capture the enemies’ royal and torture them. Since Prince Ryoma committed suicide, we are forced to do everything on Prince Takumi, even though we should have killed him when that’s done.” His voice softens and turns around. “I was controlled by my lust - I just wanted to break that arrogant persona of his. I wanted to torture him until he couldn’t retaliate back. And then, I wanted to produce a child to wield his divine weapon and slaughter his people in front of him so that he can break… entirely.”

 

“But when you were born, those watery eyes yours made me want to protect you. The first time you mistook me as your father - I started to feel guilty and jealous of him. Then you started to admire your father, the prince that once protect his country. Somehow, I wanted to tell you that your father is still alive, but on the other hand, it will shatter your expectation about your father.”

 

“Maybe that’s why I allowed Takumi to be out on your 10th birthday - I want you to smile and see your father again. But I was jealous and scared - how will you look at me if you know the truth? Will you treat me the same if your father is in your life? Will he take all the love you have for me to him?”

 

“But after that visit, I realised how much he loves you, how much he is willing to sacrifice despite you are the proof of him being violated. Seeing him smile when he knows you are safe makes me guilty, yet jealous at the same time - I am incapable to love my mother because she used me. Yet, he still loves you even if you are born to destroy him - I can’t bring myself to hurt him anymore. Yet, my heart aches when I see how much he loves you - I’m jealous. Then I start selling him in the black markets and let those Nohrians torture him until that spark of hope in his eyes vanish.”

 

Kiragi clenches his fist and bites his lips. “You have every reason you hate me, Kiragi. I am the one who put him into this life of suffrage.” The archer grips Fujin and his hands are shivering. “Do whatever I did to him to me - I deserve those pain.”

 

“Then tell me, uncle Leo,” Kiragi whispers and tears prick from the edge of his eyes. “Is it possible to revive father? He told me that he was a doll, that he was hit by some sort of spell to sustain his life. Is it possible to revive him?”

 

“I knew you would try your best to save him.” Leo gazes at Kiragi and glances at Takumi’s corpse. “He is the only victim, and he will be the only victim of this forbidden spell. I have never tried this on anyone, yet it might be possible.” He sighs and looks Kiragi in despair. “Take the tome at the lowest right self and my dairy - It will tell you how to use it. My magic is weak and I can no longer use it. You might ask Elise to help you since...”

 

“I’ll do it myself.” Kiragi scrambles the shelf and takes out the thick tome, written in a language he doesn’t know. However, no matter how hard it is, as long as there is a chance of reviving Takumi, he won’t stop doing it.

 

As long as there is a way to make up the lost time with his father, he will do everything for it.

 

“Not that I haven’t mentioned it, but the chance of succeeding is low. Don’t raise your hopes up.” Leo twitches and gazes at his nephew, kinder than ever. “But I believe in you.”

 

He carries Takumi’s corpse in one hand and the books in another. “I haven’t forgiven you yet,” He opens the door and stops. “But torturing you does nothing good. My father doesn’t want me to be a senseless killing machine - He wants me to smile. He wants peace, but not a bloody world.” He closes the door and walks away, leaving Leo in his room, alone.

 

The dark knight smiles. _You have grown up, Kiragi._ He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, imagining how life would be if he released Takumi, if Kiragi didn’t exist, and if he got to know the Hoshidan Prince better.

 

_But you are strong enough to face the world alone, Kiragi, even if both me and your father are gone._

 

-

 

It has been two days since his father is dead, and uncle Leo’s health condition is getting worse since then. Kiragi asked Auntie Elise to heal his father’s body, but it never brought his father back to life. He flips through pages of the spell and casts it at his father’s corpse.

 

_Please… Father… Please come back. I don’t want to lose you or uncle Leo. I know… I had done so many terrible things to you… And I didn’t remember you until the last moment… But please… Just come back to life… So that we can live as a normal family again._

 

Yet, no matter how hard he tries, nothing really happened. He never realised using magic is so complicated, especially when he saw uncle Leo waved his hand and spawned a tree in front of him. The dim light shows the dark circle under his eyes, that he hasn't slept for days already.

 

Kiragi picks up the tome and places his hand on his father’s forehead. He mutters the long spell that he remembered after repeating a thousand times. He focuses all his power on the top of his finger and lets his magic flow into his father’s body.

 

_Please… Please succeed. I really want to see my father again. I really want to apologize for hurting him. I really want to make up the lost time we haven’t had. Please, God, just let us meet again._

 

The magic bursts and throws him back to his seat. Kiragi tries to stand up, but his head is getting dizzy. The world in front of him becomes blurry and he can no longer read.

 

_Why? Why am I so pathetic? Why can’t I even save my father? Why am I passing out before I can see my father smile?_

 

He shakes his head, but it doesn’t cure the headache and the dizziness. It isn’t long until he lies on the table and fasts asleep.

 

_Kiragi scrubs his head and looks around. He is in a cherry blossom forest and pink petals rain from the trees. He glances at the ground, realising he is much shorter than he should be. He stares at his fingers and it isn’t long before he notices he returned to his ten-year-old body._

 

_A fade shadow passes behind the trees, and his ponytail blows by the wind. The shadow gazes at Kiragi with a warm smile. and hides behind the branches when his son looks back at him._

 

_“Father!” The son dashes to the shadow with tears rolling off his cheek. “Father! Please! Don’t leave me alone!” His voice becomes desperate and he begs in a childish voice. “Please! Father! Come back! Come back so that we can become a family again! Please! I beg you!”_

 

_The shadow catches Kiragi and hugs him back. Yet, no matter how close Kiragi is, he can only see his father as a shadow. His platinum hair becomes black, his amber eyes can no longer be seen - his body is covered in darkness. His hand smoothes his back and he pats his head. His lips tilt upwards as a single drop of tear rolls down his cheek._

 

_“Father…” The smile on the stranger’s face, the warm hug and the sorrow tear - There is no doubt that he is his dead father. “Why… I tried so hard to bring you back to life… I tried so hard to bring you to heaven… Why? Why don’t you come back? Did you hear me crying? Did you see those tears hiding behind each smile? Do you feel my heart breaking, right now, when I am looking at you?”_

 

_Takumi hugs Kiragi closer. The smile on his face is gone and his hands are shivering. His nudges his son closer to himself as if he regrets leaving him._

 

_“Father… I really miss you… I’ve lost you in a blink of an eye… And Uncle Leo is going away too. I’m lonely… I’m really lonely now. So please… Just come back and regain the time we have lost… So that I can become a child again… So that we can laugh again… So that you can teach me archery and… and…”_

 

_Takumi flinches and wipes his son’s tears away. He wants to smile - He forces himself to smile, yet it doesn’t stop his mouth from sobbing. His heart is breaking, especially seeing his son traumatised after his death. Yet, he takes a deep breath and turns him around._

 

_“Kiragi… I am dead already. This is the fact, this is something that can’t be changed.” He kisses the back of his head and closes his eyes. “You need to keep going - Both Hoshido and Nohr need you.”_

 

_“How? Father? How can I do anything in this state?” Kiragi struggles and tries to turn around, but his father’s grip is tight. “I’m so depressed now… Father… I can’t… I can’t do anything without you. I can’t believe what is happening in front of my eyes - Did God just take away two of people I love in a single month? Why do you need to do that to me? Why do I need to remember all the horrible things I have done to you? Why do I need to see you go to hell in front of my eyes?”_

 

_“Why, tell me? Why do I need to suffer this? Why can’t I remember all this earlier? Why… why couldn’t I save you?”_

 

_“You can’t change the past, Kiragi, nor can I. What is written cannot be changed.” Kiragi hears the shiver in his voice. “I want to have more time with you. I really want to meet you again, back with my own body.” He touches Kiragi’s hand. “But I can’t - I am no God. All I can is to love you with all my heart. All I can is to wish you the best. All I can is to give everything I have to you…”_

 

_“But Father…” Kiragi bites his lips. He knows, his father is dead. He is in a place far, far away, where he can’t reach. He should have lose hope, but he doesn’t want to admit it, even if his father is telling him. “If God can hear us… Then… Then…”_

 

_“You have your own future - You need to continue walking on your road of life. You are no longer a kid, Kiragi, but a grown-up.” He holds the son’s hands and grips. “You will face a lot of challenges, a lot of situation that are even more hopeless than you are. But no matter where you are, no matter when you are, I will always love and support you. So just… remember you have a father… far far away… who always look at you… always love you…”_

 

_The shadow fades and shatters into sparkles when Kiragi turns back. “Father…” He clenches his fist as tears pour onto the ground. “Why…” He bites his lips and glances at the light, the exit of his cherry blossom forest._

 

_He knows, even if he can feel his father’s existence in this mysterious forest, he can’t stay here forever. He will die because of malnutrition if he refuses to wake up. He can become a lost soul and search for his father, but he will make his father worried. As his father said, it’s time to give up and go on. It’s time to continue living the life he has, the life his father and uncle Leo gave him._

 

_He rubs his tears and walks towards the exit. Right before his last step, he turns back and gazes at this forest - The childish dream he has for reuniting his father. Somewhere in that petal rain, he can see his father leaning on the tree, smiling at him as he steps out of this world._

 

_“Thank you.” The son mutters. He steps through the gate, and his body returns to his original adult-size. It is, after all, the time to stop dreaming and start doing._

 

Kiragi rubs his eyes and pushes himself up. He gazes at his father’s corpse - Lying on his bed and his skin starts swelling.

 

“Father…” He swallows and closes his eyes. He wants to heal up his father once more, but his father has already told him to go on. Moreover, if he keeps on trying recklessly, his father’s corpse will do nothing but corrupt in front of his eyes.

 

“I will keep going. I will live happily - I will enjoy every single moment of life you gave me.” Placing Fujin Yumi on his father’s hands, he whispers. The bowstring spawns and green light surrounds the father and the son. He gazes at his father’s face again - pure yet empty, before kissing on his forehead.

 

“I will do what you wish, my dearest father.”

 

He puts on the archery clothes on the corpse - The uniform he wore as a prince. Afterall, he doesn’t deserve any of those tortures, not even the slightest. Afterall, he shouldn’t have lived so long. But it is because of this wicked fate, he is able to see his only son, grown up and living a life better than he ever had.

 

The son carries his father’s dead body and places it on the coffin, with his hair spreading over the bed. His long fluffy hair has regained its platinum look, and his skin is perfectly clean. If Kiragi wasn’t so sure he saw his father being tortured, he might have thought he had a princely life.

 

Yet, no matter how elegant it is from the outside, the emptiness and sorrow still stay. There is no way to purify his body after so many rapes, so many torments. The pain that subdues this body cannot be washed away.

 

The son grabs the lilies nearby and places it between his hands, which are rested on his chest. He cuts a strand of his hair out, wraps it around the red ribbon and seals the two ends with a metal clip. He puts on the bracelet - the Hoshidan tradition of using one’s hair as an accessory after he dies to show how much he loved him.

 

Kiragi gazes at his father’s face and caresses his soft cheeks for one last time. His tears drop on his father’s face as he whispers,

 

“Goodbye, Father.”

 

He closes the coffin as if his father is getting away from him. He wants to smile, so hard, in front of his father. But he hides below the blankets, shoves his face onto the pillow and cries everything out.

 

-

 

It has been two weeks after Takumi's death, and a week after Leo’s one. Nohrians are memorializing their prince death, and in Hoshido, the news of the long-lost Hoshidan Prince’s funeral is spreading over the country.

 

Kiragi stands in the Hoshidan plaza and takes a deep breath. He is assigned to be the Hoshidan government after his father’s death, and everyone in the castle suspects that he will be the next King. However, the pain that goes with losing his two loved ones breaks him, let alone governing a new country. All he can think of now is having a normal childhood with uncle Leo, father and mother. All he wants is Leo and Takumi coming back to life.

 

The Nohrian prince steps forward and grips Fujin Yumi. He knows, it isn’t a wise decision to hold his father’s funeral in his motherland, especially when his people hate him. He shouldn’t have travelled all the way to Hoshido just to memorial his father and taking the risk of being assassinated. Yet, there is still someone waiting for the Hoshidan Prince. There are still people who want to see Prince Takumi’s last moment. Moreover, his father would like to be buried on his own land rather than the country that stripped everything away from him.

 

“I would like to thank all of you for joining me.” He raises his voice, trying to pretend he is confident. “Thirty years have passed, yet the bravery of the Hoshidan Royal is still crafted in our heart. My father, Prince Takumi, has been suffering for all these years and his life has finally come to an end.”

 

“You wicked Nohrian monster! You are the one who tortured him! Look at Prince Takumi’s body! What have you done to him? Why is he still having a body of an 18-year-old adult!”

 

“How dare you to call Prince Takumi your father! You are the one who shot his eye down! You are the one who ruined his archery life!”

 

Kiragi looks down and closes his eyes. Hoshidans hate him because he massacred villagers who got in Nohr’s way. He slaughtered Hoshidans because he thought they are the ‘bad guys’. He insulted his own father and took away his only hope. But, as his father said, if he put enough effort on apologizing and knowing each other, they will eventually believe in him.

 

“I would like to apologize for all the cruelty I did to both to my father and every fellow Hoshidan. I know, the fatal damage I did cannot be wiped out by a single sentence. You have all the rights to hate me.” He takes a deep breath and clenches his fist tight. “Yet, my father would like to see peace rather than war in the country he protected.”

 

“You’re a killing machine! You killed the people Prince Takumi protected!  You senseless Nohrian should not talk about Prince Takumi! You’re the son of that merciless Nohrian prince who tortured Prince Takumi!”

 

“You are not Hoshidan! How can a Hoshidan be so ruthless towards its own people? You bloodthirsty Nohrian!”

 

Kiragi’s hands shiver - He did do a lot horrible things to his father’s people, yet he was manipulated by the empty lie. He didn’t want to kill - he wouldn’t have done that if he remembered his father told him not to become a killing machine. He would have stopped if he realised his father was a slave too.

 

He turns his wrist and stares at the bracelet made by his father’s hair - the proof of his father’s love. He wants to ask what he should do; He wants to runs to the coffin and hugs his father. But, he is the leader now, he should act maturely rather than a child begging for love.

 

The Hoshidan seems to have realised the bracelet too, as they instantly shout “Don’t pretend your father loves you!” and “He won’t do this if you didn’t get everything away from him!”. Their eyes are burned in anger - A fire that cannot be extinguished no matter how hard Kiragi tried.

 

He gazes at his father’s dead body, lying so quietly on the coffin. _Will you love me, father?_ He sheds a tear and bites his lips. _Will you love me even if grandma and your siblings are here?_

 

_Are you chatting with your siblings now? Or have they forgotten you already? Can you see how many people worried about you? Can you see people hating me now?_

 

Kiragi wipes his tears off and continues. He is puzzled, of course, but he can’t act it out. It is, after all, the first day of his governing job.

 

“May I bless Prince Takumi’s soul in heaven.”

 

The son sobs - he knows his father is not in heaven. He knows his father is still suffering even if he granted his death. He wants to save him, or at least, relieving the burden on his father’s shoulders. Yet, all he can do is to memorise and pray for him.

 

“You bastard! You are the one who pushed Prince Takumi to hell! Repeat that sentence again and I will chop your head off!”

 

“Stop acting like you are his child! You don’t even love him in the first place! If he was with Queen Mikoto, there is no way he would love you! You damned Nohrian prince!”

 

Kiragi sighs - He doesn’t know whether he is scared or sad, or both. Unless his father is back, he can never convince those people to believe him. They will never trust his father loved him. They will never realise it was Father’s will to sacrifice for him. They will never realise how much he loves his father, either.

 

The coffin is lifted and Kiragi follows. He thought the Hoshidans would finally give him a break and stay quiet when the tomb is pushed towards the fire. He thought the people would give him some respect when they see his father’s body for the last time. He thought they would forget all the hatred for a few minutes.

 

But no, he was wrong. The screams continue, the fury inside their heart grows. Eggs and banana peel are thrown at him, and a high cry whenever he steps closer to the coffin. The polished wood is scratched and is contaminated by all the things thrown at him.

 

_Stop it. Don’t you love Father? It is his last moment! Why do you need to do this to him?_

 

_Why can’t you stay quiet for a moment? Why can’t you let Father rest in peace for a moment? He had already suffered enough in this life! Why can’t you just stop for a while?_

 

The guards put down the coffin in front of the fire. Kiragi walks towards his father’s dead body, taking a good look at his beautiful yet distorted face - A 48-year-old man having a face of an 18-year-old teen. Tears dried up at the corner of his eyes, and his hands are holding the fresh lilies he picked this morning. His face is calm and cold, and his body is filled with pain and sorrow.

 

 _Where are you now?_ Kiragi gazes at his father. Those dazzling amber eyes have already lost its light, and his body has already lost its warmth. He can no longer beg for those hugs and those pair of ears to listen. He can no longer sit in front of Fujin Yumi, imagining that his father is still alive, and all the things he would have done with him. He can no longer act like a child, hoping that one day his family will be united and none need to suffer from this pain.

 

The son moves his hand above his father’s face. He needs to touch it, even the glass cover separates them. He needs to restore all those dreams and fantasy he had. He needs to know that he isn’t alone.

 

“Don’t you dare to touch him! Nohrian Scum!”

 

“You filth! You are Prince Takumi’s biggest shame! Don’t even try to contaminate him with your existence!”

 

“Stay away from him! Let Prince Takumi rest in peace!”

 

Eyes widened, Kiragi freezes. He doesn’t know why his hand can’t move closer to his father’s face. He doesn’t know why his arms are shivering. He doesn’t know why his expression is twisted. He doesn’t know why his heart arches.

 

“See! _Prince_ Kiragi! Even your father doesn’t want you to touch him!”

 

“You Goddamn killing machine! You didn’t even show emotion when you slaughter the whole village! Of course he won’t be sad for his _father_ death - he didn’t realise Prince Takumi is his father until the very last breath!”

 

“This is what you deserve! God treats you right by taking away both Leo and Prince Takumi!”

 

Kiragi wants to snap back, but his words are stuck in his throat. It is his fault, after all, even if he was possessed. He knows, he needs to take the blame. He needs to gain his trust after torturing countless Hoshidans.

 

But he doesn’t deserve is being called as a traitor and filth, a soulless killing machine that can’t recognise his own father, an emotionless doll manipulated by the Nohrians. Not after seeing his father die in front of his eyes. Not after trying so hard to revive his dead body. Not after losing two of his loved ones, despite he tried his best effort to save them. Not after giving most of his love to his Father.

 

“Don’t pretend that you are guilty for killing your people! Don’t try to feel emotional after being a senseless doll!”

 

Kiragi’s tears drop on his father face. He wants to touch him - He really wants to feel his father’s skin for the last time. He wants to memorise that warmth his father radiates; He wants to take a good look before his father’s body is burned. Yet his hand freezes in place, refuses to touch his father’s dead body, anymore.

 

“Just get out of Hoshido! You’re a living humiliation yourself!”

 

“If you love Prince Takumi, then flee out of this country and never come back! We and Prince Takumi will be happy!”

 

“Yes! Leave Hoshido forever! You are the dirt of Prince Takumi’s life!”

 

“Just go! Prince Kiragi! Step out of this country! Leave Prince Takumi alone!”

 

“Leave!” The Hoshidans shout and push towards Kiragi. “Leave! Leave Hoshido all at once!” They started throwing things at him again. “Give us independence! Return this to the land Prince Takumi protected! Go away and never come back! You bloody Nohrian!”

 

-

 

It has been a month since Takumi’s cremate. Many uprising and protests have happened in Hoshido, ever since, and Kiragi’s reputation is getting worse and worse. He first tried to convince his people to believe him, but as time pass by, he started giving up and avoiding Hoshido.

 

It is a rainy and foggy night - It is impossible to see your fingers when you reach out your hand. Hoshidans are hiding in their homes, burning wood in their fireplace to ease the humidity caused by the rainstorm. Laughing in their house, the sadness of their dead prince has slowly disappeared and their focus has shifted to other news.

 

A mysterious man staggers through the rain and stumbles to Takumi’s grave. His black robe covers his face and his whole body, yet raindrops and sweats have already soaked it wet. He takes a bunch of lilies out of his clothes and places it on the grave.

 

“It’s a terrible rainstorm,” The man whispers and shields the grave under his rice-paper-umbrella. “You must be cold. You must be lonely down there.”

 

He sits in front of the grave and tears roll off his cheek. “I thought you will be here. I thought you will be waiting for me, after I have overcome so many challenges. I thought you will give me warm hugs and tell me everything is fine. I thought you will caress my cheek and say it’s okay to cry. I thought you will bring me with you so I don’t need to suffer from living in this wicked world.”

 

He wipes the water droplets off the words crafted on the grave. ‘Takumi’, it says, ‘The Prince of Wind. The courageous man that suffer upon Hoshido.’

 

“And the Father who sacrificed everything for his son.” The man mutters.

 

“A lot has happened to Hoshido - The people hate me no matter what I said. They never listen to me - They never tried to believe me. The same is happening at Nohr - People hate me for burying you in your motherland. The lower class is confused for what I have done, and the upper class now controls the society. Mother keeps on saying how sorry she is for me, but she never stops talking about why I should hate you.”

 

The man rubs at the lowest line: ‘1028-1076’, 48 years of suffering - 18 years as a prince, and 30 years as a slave. 8 years of wielding the divine bow Fujin Yumi, and 18 years of seeing his son using his bow and being a killing machine. But what makes it worse is his one and only son, Kiragi, didn’t remember him until the last few minutes.

 

“You know, Uncle Leo is dead too. I still can’t believe two out of three of my loved ones died within a month. It made me crazy.” He sobs and places Fujin Yumi in front of the grave. “Why? You have already lived through the worst, so why can’t you live a few more weeks and tell the Hoshidans that you actually love me? So that they can believe in me? So that I don’t need to force my smile whenever I see you in my dreams!”

 

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. He knows, he shouldn’t shout at the dead Prince, even though he is breaking down now. He knows, he will be worried about him if he tells him the truth. But most of all, it is the Prince’s will for him to have a happy life.

 

“How silly am I, that I thought you will reply me and say ‘I’m sorry’.” His fingers rub the wing model on Fujin Yumi. “But then, I’m really lonely now. No one is standing beside me, and no one is supporting me. I can just tell Fujin about all the problems I had and I can only see you in my dreams. But even then, your body is always dark, as if you were swallowed by the shadows. As if you refuse to show your face.”

 

He gazes at the bracelet made by his father’s ribbon and his platinum hair - He doesn’t know whether his father still loves him as much as he did. Closing his eyes, his body shivers like the blowing wind and the roaring storm. He can no longer withstand it - His heart is too broken to continue living.

 

“Please… Father… Please. Just come back to life so I can see you again… So I can hug you again… So I can be the child again…

 

Please, Gods, just give me a miracle for the third time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Don't ask me why I added the Leo part. I don't know. So as the year - I just made it up)
> 
> Drace complained that this chapter is way too sad... so I'm forced to make a happy ending for them (It is acceptable too because Takumi and Kiragi suffered way too much in Cherished Disgrace). What *happy* ending do you want? Do you want a Leokumi one or a Kiragi x Takumi one?


	4. Neutral/Bad Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiragi is alone in the living world - the loss of both of his loved ones are way too much for him. As the time pass, he can no longer withstand the horror and fear, that he tried so hard to end his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neutral/Bad ending for Kiragi/Takumi (I think it is neutral. Drace thinks it is bad). I did put a few hints for the later alternate endings though.
> 
> Sorry for the late update! I've been terribly busy the past month (+ I can hardly concentrate). I haven't proofread it much (like the previous chapters) so blame me for any plot holes/incoherent/mistakes (both major and minor).
> 
> This chapter is in Takumi's POV. Broken narratives of Takumi's afterlife memories. Hopefully, I didn't get too religious with this afterlife thingy.
> 
> Kiragi survives as a child form as a soul, while Takumi is in his Fate's-game-form.

I sit on my grave and look down at Kiragi, whose hood covers his face, but can’t hide the tears and sorrow beneath him. A month ago, I died right in front of my son, shattering his heart into pieces. Since then, I tried to help him overcome his sadness by diving into his dreams. But whenever a Hoshidan calls him a ‘killing machine’, or a Nohrian noble teases him as a ‘sub-Royal’, I can hear nothing but the cracking sound of his heart.

 

“It’s a terrible rainstorm.” Kiragi mutters. “You must be cold. You must be lonely down there.”

 

I hug my son’s warm, yet shivering body. His skin is covered with raindrops, despite wearing a robe to shield himself from the downpour. His breathes are cold and are filled with depression. His tears roll off his cheek, so softly, so quietly, as if he is not allowed to cry for his father.

 

“I thought you will be here. I thought you will be waiting for me after I have overcome so many challenges. I thought you will give me warm hugs and tell me everything is fine.”

 

I look at my ‘invisible’ body - It doesn't exist in this world anymore. Kiragi can't see me no matter how hard I tried. He can’t feel my presence no matter how tight I hug 

 

_I’m dead, after all. I am just a lost soul, begging for Kiragi to smile like he used to._

 

“I thought you will caress my cheek and say it’s okay to cry.” He muffles and wipes the water droplet on the grave. His fingers rub the lining of the words and feel the water drops hitting on his skin.

 

“I thought you will bring me with you,

 

So I don’t need to suffer from living in this wicked world.”

 

_That was when I started my plan. My selfish plan of bringing Kiragi with me and seek heavens together._

 

-

 

Two months. It has been two whole months after my death, yet Kiragi’s eyes only show despair and confusion. He gazes himself at the mirror - his eyes are lifeless and dull. The innocent smile no longer appears on his face, especially when the crown is on his head.

 

“Another tough day, isn’t it?” He sits in front of the mirror and forces a sad smile. “It’s okay, Kiragi. Nothing will happen, right?”

 

He closes his eyes and caresses his cheek, imagining that is his father hand rather than his own, imagining that his father is right beside him. “I’ll always support you, Kiragi.” He imitates my tone, pursuing himself that his father is really here. “Tomorrow will always be a better day. Just keep on smiling and people will understand you.

 

Someday, they will, right?”

 

He flinches and pauses for a second before bursting into tears. “Father!” He screams and gasps. “Please! Just come back to life! I’m really lonely! I’m so lonely that I need to pretend you! That I need to pretend your voice and think that you are here!”

 

I smoothe his back, but no matter how hard I tried, he can never feel my existence. He can no longer hear me saying sorry and weeping right behind him. He can no longer see my real face in his dream, but rather a distorted shadow of myself.

 

“Kiragi…” I can do nothing but mutter his name. I want to wipe his tears away and hug him, but everything just passes through my invisible hand. I’m powerless, like how I was when I was still alive. I can’t do anything to lower the burden on his shoulder - All I did was making him more feeling guilty and regret when I died.

 

Kiragi grabs the pebble on the bench and swallows his saliva. “I can’t continue living like this.” His voice is nothing more than a whisper. “Why can’t you just bring me along, Father? Why do I need to suffer from this world? Why does everyone need to be against me?”

 

His tears are filled with hatred and sadness, and his voice is broken and cracked. His arms shiver and his body tremble. He gazes at the blade for a few seconds more, before placing the blade on his throat.

 

“Father. Even if you don’t want me to do so…” He forces his voice out of his dry throat. “I’ll find you, no matter how long it takes. I’ll find you until the end of the world. I’ll find you and we can regain the time we have lost."

 

“Do it, if that makes you feel better.” I kiss his head and hug him tight.  “I’m willing to do everything just to make you feel better. Please, just let me be sinned for killing my own child. Please bring happiness to that pure boy again. Please, take everything away from me and bring that boy into heaven.”

 

He turns his head and gazes at the Fujin Yumi, which is lying on the cabinet. The marking on the bow, he sees, and gasped when he recalls his father. “No…” His face turns pale, as if there is something in his mind, as if his fear has suddenly controlled him. “Father sacrificed everything just to make me smile. He did everything to make me alive, yet I…” The pebble falls from his hand and hits the ground. “I nearly destroyed everything he built up.” 

 

His hands shiver in confusion and anger. His tears are no longer lonely and sorrow but rather guilty and fear. He wants to take the blade, but he can’t - he is too afraid to see his father’s disappointed face.

 

“I-I… No…” He pulls the drawer and takes the bottle of hypnotics - the drug he relied upon having a good sleep. Ever since I was dead, my nightmares are passed down to Kiragi. He never had a dreamless night - he can never sleep without waking. Yet, whenever he is hypnotised, he seemed to see me better. The more pill he takes, the more hypnotise he is, the clearer my image is

 

_The closer he is to death._

 

Kiragi opens the lid and swallows a half bottle of drug - way more than what he should. He gazes himself at the mirror, knowing that this will be the last time seeing himself living in this world. He touches Fujin’s bow and feels the smooth polished wood. He looks at the sky - dark and filled with stars saying goodbye to him.

 

He flips the blanket and lies on the bed, waiting for his body to consume the last bit of his life before he can wake up again, before he can hear those commands and criticisms again.

 

-

 

I dive into Kiragi’s dream. It isn’t like the ones he had, where he was either trapped in the forest, or is crying in his room, but rather an utterly dark environment with a child weeping in the middle of nowhere.

 

“Kiragi.” That weeping sound, those endless cries make me hug him without hesitation. “I’m here, my dear son. I’m here.”

 

“Father… Father… I can’t…” He gazes up at me. His eyes carry no light - those are no longer the eyes he had as a child, no longer the innocent, childish son I know. He has been through way too much - From being manipulated to becoming a killing machine, from a warrior to a politician - He can no longer restore the charming smiles he once had.

 

“You’re so bright… so colourful.” Eyes widened, I come to realisation - The closer he is to death, the more he can see in me. Saying ‘you are bright’ is just another way of saying ‘I’m dead’. It’s just another way of telling me how much my death hurt this child. It’s just another way of telling me that how wrong my decision is.

 

“It’s so weird. People used to describe the real world as a colourful place, and death as a spooky, frightening one.” He leans into my hug. His body shivers more when he feels the warmth I radiate. “But it’s different: I feel safer with you by my side. No one in the world ever supported me - no one except you, Father. But then…”

 

“I know, Kiragi. I know.” I hug him tighter as if I shield all the depression and fear away from him. “You can stay with me as long as you want. We can travel around worlds and seek for the heaven forever. We can restore all the time we lost all those years… and become parent and child again.”

 

_So I can make up for all the wrong I did._

 

_So I can see you smile again._

 

“Take me with you, Father.” He rests his head on my shoulder. “No one cares for me anymore. Nothing will change if I’m away.” His voice becomes softer and his hands trace my silvery hair. “It’s better… It’s better to live with you in hell than wandering in the real world all alone. I don’t want to open my eyes - I don’t want to see the cruel fate that awaits me. I don’t want to hear people screaming my name and calling me a killing machine. I don’t want to remember everything happening in this wicked world.”

 

He closes his eyes and continues. “I just want to stay with you. I just want to hold your hands and ask you about everything in the world. I want to be that innocent child you love… The pure ignorant kid I once was.”

 

His tears stream off his face. His heart sinks as he gasps for air. What I’m seeing is the result - the result of what I have done to my child. The consequence of being captured for all these years, leaving this child alone in the dark. Those tears, those are nothing but my fault for not being a father. Nothing but guilt and regret.

 

“Take me away with you, Father.” He muffles. “This is all I want. This is the best thing I can do.”

 

I lift my son up and carry him with both hands. I walk out of the dream and turn back before leaving Kiragi’s room the last time. That Kiragi… That shell of his is lying on the bed. His breaths become weaker and slower after pulling his soul out. His skin is cold and heat fades away. His eyes are red and tears dried up at the edge of his eyes.

 

He couldn't stop crying even till the very last second of life.

 

The moonlight passes through the window and shines on the corpse’s lifeless, white face. The dried tears reflect nothing but confusion in his life. Nothing but the life of being a puppet. At the moment his heart stops beating, the world seems to have stay silent and grief for his death.

 

“It’s okay, Father. I want this… You’re not faulted at all.”

 

I clench my hand and look at the lifeless, silent corpse. The empty shell which I have pulled its soul out without informing.

 

_That I have killed my son, without him realising the consequences beyond._

 

-

 

“Please! Just let Kiragi get into heaven!”

 

I bow down in front of those angles, like how I acted when I was still a pet. “Please! He had suffered enough in his life! He was born all because of my failure! He was manipulated ever since he was young! Please!”

 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t accept him after all the killing he did. Even though he was controlled by Prince Leo, it was his will to kill. It was his decision to slaughter all the people.” The angle crosses his arms and stares at me. “You, however, can enter heaven because of the twisted fate you have been through. You were forced to continue living in the underground prison and suffered all these years.”

 

“Please! I beg you! You can put me to hell as long as Kiragi is in heaven!” I cry, desperately, selflessly, like how I can only beg for Master to keep him alive. “Please! Take everything away from me! Just let Kiragi go to heaven!”

 

“Father!” Kiragi kneels down and soothes my back. “It was my fault! You don’t need to protect me, Father! I’m an adult now! You don’t need to beg anymore!”

 

“It’s okay, Kiragi.” I shake my head and cup his cheek. “I just want you to be happy. You can reunite Sakura and Mother and my family when you go to heaven. Then you will no longer be lonely… you will no longer be the only one… And… And you can forget my failure… as a father…”

 

“Stop it! Father!” He pulls me up and shakes my shoulder. “Stop prioritizing me! As long as you aren’t here, I will always be lonely! So please, stop begging them to let me in!”

 

“Kiragi, you’re the only light in my life. I just want to give the best to you. I just want you to have the best life…”

 

“You don’t know how I felt!” He snaps, with those eyes filled with hatred and guilt. “You’re just repeating the same cycle again! Do you know how guilty I felt when I knew everything? Do you know how guilty I was when I realised you were suffering in the basement prison? I love you too, Father! I want to protect you too, like how you want to protect me!”

 

He gasps and pants. “You don’t know this… You will never know how horrified I was when all those memories came back. You don’t know how powerless I was when I can only see you suffering for my entire life. It has been 28 years already - 28 YEARS AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON! 28 YEARS BUT I DID NOTHING TO SAVE YOU!”

 

Tears stream down his face, and his grip on my shoulder tightens and releases. “So please… Father, let me suffer for you once.” He forces a smile. A sad smile, with his lips shivering like the cold breeze.

 

“I guess I’ll need to cool my head.” He turns around and mutters. “I’ll need some time to get this clear.”

 

“Kiragi!” I try to stop him, but my arms are not long enough to stop him from getting away. Leaving like how all my siblings did, like how my Mother did.

 

_Again._

 

-

 

“Kiragi? Where are you? Kiragi?”

 

It has been a few hours after the meeting in heaven, but I can see no sight of Kiragi. I did hear him sobbing, but whenever I wanted to walk towards him, my heart tells me no.

 

_Did he go to hell? Is he trying to suffer for me? Did he regret going away with me? Did he leave me alone because how incapable I am as a parent?_

 

It’s dark, like how it was in the underground prison. There was no light, no hope, no sign of life. The wet air filled the basement and the pungent muddy smell forced into my nose. There was no sound - nothing but the quiet weep of a lost soul, begging for his family to come back, begging for his child to be save, begging for someone to forgive what he had done, begging for someone to get him out and _end him._

 

“Father. Can you stop following me?” Kiragi turns around in annoyance. “I am not a child, please, even if my form as a spirit is. I just want to cry alone.”

 

“B-But… It is about me, right?” I wanted to sketch my arms and hold his shoulder, but his cold eyes make me flinch. “Isn’t it better… if there is a listener? And… I don’t want you to take the weight all on yourself again. I’m here with you.”

 

He looks at me, doubtfully, before moving his sight back to the ground. “28 years is a terribly long time. It is not something I can explain within 10 to 15 minutes.” He gazes back up, with tears covering his eyes. “It is something that you will feel guilty about. Something that you will blame yourself again and fall into hell for me. Something you will try so hard to repay, and at last making the same mistake again.”

 

“But… This is too heavy for you to bear! Afterall, it was my fault that you are here. That you suffered for…”

 

“Stop this.” He barks and his eyes, his watery eyes gazes at me. “Stop prioritising me above you! Stop looking down at yourself!”

 

“Kiragi?”

 

“Of course you have no idea how I felt! Of course you don’t know how guilty I was when you died in my own hands!” He grinds his teeth, and his eyes burn in agony. “I tried so hard to chase you. I tried so hard to find you but you want to leave me alone again!”

 

I step back, not prepared for the sudden burst of anger. Looking at those amber eyes arch my heart. My stomach churns, more and more, until the pain forces me to bend my hips and my arms covering my guts. “Son… I’m sorry….” I can only mutter, so softly that only I can hear it. “I’m not good enough to be your father… I had no idea how to felt...”

 

“Stop! Stop blaming yourself! Stop telling me that everything is your fault!” His voice breaks. He doesn’t know whether he is mad at himself or me - he just want express all the underlying emotions. “It was my fault - I was the Prince, but I couldn’t buy your freedom. I knew you were here, I knew you hate me being a killing machine, but I can do nothing but followed Uncle’s orders! I-I… Just let me protect you once! Just let me stay with you!”

 

“Kiragi…”

 

His tears shatter on the ground and glomps me, like how we first met. “I cannot withstand those anger again, that empty realisation when I remembered everything. I can’t withstand it - I can’t bring myself to see you suffering for me. I don’t want to feel that… I don’t want to feel that emptiness again!”

 

I pat his head, even though what it does is bursting him into tears once again. His hands grip my cloth, stronger and stronger as he continues weeping. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to whisper to him that he is not alone, but the feeling within can’t be calmed with a few words.

 

I can only hug him - embracing him and protecting him like how I father should do. He shivers, harder, as if all the fears he has been can finally be expressed out, as if he has finally been able to cry like an innocent child he was. The fake smiles he had crack into tiny pieces, breaking like they are no longer needed. The warmth in his body returns, so as his child-like innocent, so as all the hidden feelings he had. Everything, everything had finally return to where it belongs to.

 

_It is how all ended. Or maybe, how it all started._

 

_Years and years have passed, and Hoshido has changed over all the years. Generations and generations, less and less have remembered our existence. History books were burned and rewritten, and the name of ‘Takumi’ and ‘Kiragi’ appeared less and less often._

 

_Maybe, it is long enough for the people to forget the existence of the worst prince ever existed in the world. Maybe, it is long enough for everyone, including my dearest family, to forget us._

 

_But no matter how long it is, I will never forget the hands I’m holding._

 

_I will never forget the innocent smile he always has._

 

_“Father.” My son mutters. His freezing body leans on my shoulder. “Father… I can still see you when I open my eyes, right? I will not be forgotten by all, right?”_

 

_I will never forget my one and only son, Kiragi._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Kiragi's reactions are weird. He did change a bit too fast, I think. (But then I'm so tired of changing it again so I just uploaded it...).
> 
> The next chapter is (should be) Kiragi/Takumi happy ending. But then I'll need to finish the new Underlying chapter first, so expect an update on March to April.


	5. Leokumi - Sad Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo's hidden backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long for this chapter... It was way longer than I thought. 
> 
> Chronological ending of Cherished Disgrace though - At least that is what I thought. I did want to give Leo a bit of redemption despite being a PWP.
> 
> Thanks Lightning for beta-ing again!

Where should I start? I don’t know. There’s a saying that ‘when one ends, another would start’. When one is destroyed, another would be borned.

 

This is a short story after my end - my proposted end. My death. Somehow, I have always been wishing for this end, somehow, I didn’t. Every day I was in that prison, I silently pray for my life to end.  Yet when the Rapier came, I selfishly begged that I could stay with Kiragi for one more day.

 

So, where should I start? The defeat of Hoshido? Or the birth of Kiragi? Or how I met my long lost child? 

 

_ When one ends, another would start.  _ Maybe I should start with how I ended, how I popostedly ended.

 

-

 

_ My funeral _ . After those 30 years of torture, I’d never thought that I would deserve such a dignified funeral in my motherland.

 

It had been so long,  _ so long _ since I’d seen the cherry blossom blooms, so long since I felt the warmth in the Hoshidan breeze, so long since I smelled the sweetness of the Hoshidan food. 

 

Standing in the middle of the plaza was Kiragi, like how Mother did when she announced an event. However, the people’s eye were filled with anger rather than joy; disgust rather than proud. The Hoshidan slayer has become the Hoshidan governor, they said. The existence that humiliated the Dawn dragon is now looking over the His people.

 

It’s true - Kiragi was born to torture the Hoshidan Royal further. But little did they know that Kiragi also has a peace-loving Hoshidan heart, a naive persona that silently begs for his father’s love.

 

“I would like to thank all of you for joining me.” Kiragi tried to speak up, but all he got was more blame and rude comments. Whenever he mentioned my name, the people would start throwing things at him, scolding him that he is nothing but a Nohrian scum. A Nohrian scum who took away every last shard of hope in his father’s eyes.

 

A beam of light suddenly reflected to my eyes. I could hear the sound of chains and shackles - they are too familiar with me now. I walked to the origin of the sound - it might be a threat to my son.

 

I slipped through the crowd (or passed through, since I’m a free spirit now), and reached the corner of the Hoshidan plaza. Then, I heard a muffled sob, followed by a few silent apologies to my son.

 

When I turned to the last corner, out of everyone, I didn’t expect  _ him  _ to be here.

 

“M-Master?” I was shocked by Prince Leo’s appearance - shackled, with mort of his skin bruised. His back was drawn with red lines, clearly whipped not long ago. His scarlet eyes were filled with tears of guilt. It is like how I was, except without the Nohrian brand and the collar. 

 

“Call me ‘Prince Leo’, or just ‘Leo’ would be fine.” He glanced at me before moving his sight back to Kiragi. “I’m suffering like how you did. Are you not satisfied?”

 

“I wasn’t…” My body was shivering. Some part of me was still scared of the Nohrian Prince, even if he was shackled and tortured. He might still be able to manipulate me, especially he had the full control of my body when I was alive. Orochi once told me that one’s magic power would follow them forever, and afterlife is no exception.

 

He must had caught me trembling at his presence as he moved away. Whenever I try to step forward, he would move a step back, as if he was afraid of me, that he didn’t want to face me by any means. It is until I completely block the sight of Kiragi, then he insisted, “I’ll go.”

 

“Wait! Why were you here? You didn’t come just…”

 

He turned back, with a drop of tear pricking from his eyes. He bit his lips and his fist clenched. Was he furious or scared? I can’t tell. But when I took another step forward, my mind suddenly became dizzy as the scenes around changed.

 

_ “Hey! Leo! Look! It’s that Hoshidan’s child!” _

 

_ Princess Camilla was holding a newborn Kiragi in her hug. Prince Leo, who was working on his studies, replied without even looking at the baby. “I told you to throw him to the maids! You know that he is just an experimental tool!” _

 

_ “But he is so cute! Kiragi, say ‘hi’ to your uncle.” _

 

_ “Ugh, fine.” He left his work behind and walked beside Princess Camilla. “Here, what do you want me to do?” _

 

_ “Just come, Leo. I know you’re afraid of the child, but he is certainly different! Plus he is my child too, so why don’t you say a ‘hi’ to your first niece?” _

 

_ “FINE!” The Nohrian Prince sighed and touched the baby’s finger. Kiragi chuckled and gripped his finger in return. Leo blushed, but quickly swept it away when his sister laughed. _

 

_ “See, Kiragi likes you!” _

 

_ “I-It’s just a coincidence! How would that fucking pet’s child like me?” _

 

_ “Well, you can say he is my child, that’s why he likes you.” _

 

_ “Very funny, Camilla.” _

 

_ The scenes of Prince Leo taking care of Kiragi showed in front of my eyes - the scenes that I never knew when I was in that basement prison. He was first hostile towards Kiragi, but when the child laughed at his touches, it is impossible to not see that smile on his face. Soon, playing with Kiragi became a part of his daily life. Rather than being forced by his sister, he started to enjoy the time being with ‘his child’. He started reading books about child care, and even creating spells just to make Kiragi happy.  _

 

_ Time passed and Kiragi was 2-years old already. He might be staggering a little, but he was already capable of walking by his own. While Leo was playing with Kiragi, Camilla entered the room. _

 

_ “Mama!” The child pointed at Princess Camilla and staggered into her hug. The mother patted his head and kissed him on his forehead. _

 

_ “Sweetie, I’m back. How was your day with Leo?” _

 

_ “I just taught him how to talk.” The Nohrian Prince had his hair all mess because of Kiragi. “He seems to be a quick learner.”  _

 

_ “Papa!” The child pointed at Leo and yelled. “Papa! Mama!” _

 

_ “I’m not your Papa, Kiragi.” He combed his hair and gave him a sad smile. “I’m your uncle.” _

 

_ “Where, Papa, where?” _

 

_ His face was filled with shock and guilt. His arms were trembling as he recalled the horrible fact that this innocent child’s father is none other than his sex pet, hi punching bag. He bit his lips and avoided any further eye contact with Kiragi, blaming and regretting his actions. _

 

_ “Your Father is in far, far away.” Princess Camilla interrupted and pulled Kiragi into a deeper embrace. “He is in the land where angels live. A land where the light shines. A land where…” _

 

_ “Angel? What… angel? Mama?” _

 

_ Prince Leo stepped backward and shocked his head. If I wasn’t sure just now, I am now sure that tears filled up his eyes. He was jealous - I can tell by just looking at him. But more importantly, he was  _ _ empty _ _ \- The empty feeling that Kiragi wasn’t his child. He took a deep breath, trying to calm all the horrible thoughts he had in his mind. _

 

_ “I’ve something yet to be done.” He forced a smile before passing through those two. “See you, Camilla, Kiragi.” _

 

_ I wanted to chase down that Prince Leo, but his memory scenes started to fade when he ran away. Where was he going? Probably either to his room or to the basement prison. Maybe he was mad at me and was going to torture me like every other day. Maybe that was the reason why he kept me for so long. Maybe that’s why… _

 

“It is none of your business.” He snapped and pulled me back to reality. Without a glance, he pushed himself away and moved towards the shadows. 

 

“But Kiragi…”

 

“He doesn’t need me anymore! He only needs YOU!” A painful, empty scream. He hit the wall while biting his lips so hard that it started to bleed. His ruby eyes were filled with tears, mixed with jealousy, guilt, depression, frustration, anger… So many emotions that I couldn’t tell. It were filled with so many heartwarming moments, but ended with such an empty realisation.

 

_ Maybe, that was his real life. The life unknown to me. _

 

“Go back to where you belong to, Takumi.” He muttered and staggered away. “Hate me. Hate me because of what I’ve done to you.”

 

“Hey…”

 

But it was too late. He had already vanished and went back to the torturing hell he needed to be in.

 

I gazed back at Kiragi, who was trembling at the Hoshidan’s cruel words. I passed through the crowd and stood beside my corpse. Hugging Kiragi from behind, I tried to protect him from the comments and gave him my very last warmth. As the ceremony continued, my coffin was burned and the dirt on my body turned into ashes. If it wasn’t this child, I would take that as the end of this miserable life of mine. I would then return back to my family and finally reunite with my dearest siblings.

 

_ Instead, it was a spark to another tragedy. _

 

-

 

Another week had passed, yet Kiragi was still suffering from the loss of both me and Prince Leo. How many times had he flipped through my clothes and feel the remaining warmth in it? I don’t know. How many times had he tried to create my persona with Prince Leo’s spell? I don’t know. How many times had he muttered my name in his nightmares? I had no idea.

 

It’s true - I’m an ignorant person. Who can’t see the lights and darks of others, who can obediently follow other’s orders. 

 

I don’t know what brought me here. I am free to go wherever I want and do what I want so.

 

Why am I at his funeral?

 

Maybe I wanted to talk with him - I wanted to tell him that Kiragi loves him too. Maybe I wanted to revenge - After all these things he had done to me, why am I not mad at him? Or maybe, I just wanted to ask him about Kiragi - he seems to be the closest person Kiragi has.

 

_ So why, why did you say that Kiragi doesn’t need you anymore? _

 

I scanned around the room, trying to search for the dead Nohrian Prince. There were those Nohrian nobles - those people who brought me and tortured me until I couldn’t even move. There were those guards that keep me in the prison for 30 years. Not to mention both of Prince Leo’s retainers (Niles and Odin, I suppose) were here, crying for their Lord.

 

For a moment, I wondered if Oboro and Hinata still remember me. Did they pray for my safety before they went to heaven? Did Oboro confessed to me before she lost to the Nohrians?

 

But when the nobles looked at my side, my body became powerless. My hands shivered, my legs became jelly. I couldn’t stand up - Maybe I was too used to being a sex pet after all these years. My muscles remembered how to react against each glance and touch, even when I’m dead.

 

“Why are you here, Prince Takumi?” I could hear the shock in his voice. It’s true - I would never expect myself to ‘attend’ Prince Leo’s funeral. The Nohrian Prince walked in front of me and asked with a harsher tone. “Why, out of every single place, would you be here?”

 

“Weren’t you at my funeral too, Prince Leo?”

 

He glanced at me and sniggered. “So what do you want from me, Hoshidan Prince?”

 

I gasped, half shocked by Leo’s ability to look through my eyes. But then, he had been taming me for more than 30 years, so is that really an accomplishment? I gazed at his ruby eyes, then shifted to Kiragi, then back to him.

 

“I told you that he doesn’t want me anymore.” His voice softened. “There has never been a space for me in his heart.”

 

“He likes you. He has been talking about you every time I meet him. He really looks up…”

 

Prince Leo stared into my eyes and looked through my mind. “You’re lying, Takumi. Do you want to break my heart even in my funeral?” He forced a laugh and sighed. “ But then, I did humiliated you in your wedding, so you’re going to take your revenge… RIght?”

 

“No… I mean… You did tortured me in my wedding, but I’m not going to do anything to you…” I lowered my head and muttered. “I mean… Kiragi likes you… And he won’t want…”

 

“DON’T MENTION HIS NAME AGAIN!” He screamed, but his voice was empty. He fell onto the ground, with his hands covering both of his ears. His body was trembling, and his eyes were shut. When I got closer to him, I realised he was sobbing - sobbing because of the loneliness he had been experiencing. 

 

“I beg you… Just… I beg you. Don’t tell me that he loves me anymore…”

 

I wanted to approach him, but the sudden electric shock paralysed me. When I finally regained some sense, the scenery around me had already faded away. It was like that time - that time in my own funeral. Those memories - Prince Leo’s memories started to cram into my brain once again.

 

_ By the look on Kiragi’s face, he is presumably about four years old. For I-don’t-know-how-many-times, Kiragi was playing with Prince Leo at his room. Very soon, Princess Camilla came in and requested a private conversation with the Nohrian Prince. Unwillingly, he asked the maids to take care of him and went into his sister’s room. _

 

_ “Leo, you know the child is four already…” She patted his head and muttered. “I know you love him a lot… But it’s time to leave him.” _

 

_ “You told me to take care of Kiragi at first, and now you told me to leave him?!” His voice hinted a slight anger and his eyes were filled with tears. He shook Camilla’s shoulders and begged. “I can’t… I can’t leave him like this.” _

 

_ “It’s only harder to leave him if you get more attached.” She hugged him back and wiped the tears off his cheek. “You know - he was borned as tool to break that Hoshidan Prince. He is going to die anyways… no matter what you do.” _

 

_ “I’m going to take care of him then!” He nudged into Camilla’s chest and sobbed. “Please… I know, this is very selfish of me… I know he is the child of that fucking pet… I know he is going to be a white mouse. T-That’s why… I’ll try to find a way to satisfy both needs…” _

 

_ The older sister smoothed his back and hugged his brother tighter. I’ve never seen the Nohrian Royals this way - they were always fearless warriors, slaughtering whoever blocks their path. However, behinds the scenes, they are still fragile human beings - They still need to withstand those emotions. Did he actually feel guilty for degrading me? Did his heart arch seeing me walk on four?  _

 

_ But then, that’s just my wish - my selfish wish that my ‘Master’ actually cared about me.  _

 

_ The scenes fast forward as Kiragi grew taller and taller after each event. I can never forget that smile on his face - that charming smile when he heard Prince Leo was going to take care of him. Even though he had done so much wrong to me, never had he ever told Kiragi about all the sins I’ve committed. In front of that innocent child, I was always the glorious archer - that Hoshidan Prince who sacrificed for his country; that brave hero who was willing to protect great wall; that legend who guided the wind to his aid.  _

 

_ “Uncle Leo! I’ve found a picture of Father!” The child, who had a Hoshidan history book on top his chest, dashed towards the Nohrian Prince. The uncle spreaded his arms wide and catch his nephew, rubbing his hair when Kiragi giggled in his hug. “Father is such a beautiful man… I have never seen such pretty platinum hair in Nohr before. Are all Hoshidan like this, uncle Leo?” _

 

_ “Not really.” He patted his head. Even though he was the victor of the war, his voice shivered when he mentioned his once opposing country. Obviously, the fear of the war and the guilt of slaughtering stayed in his heart. “Even though Hoshidans have a tradition of having long hair, your Father’s was exceptionally pretty. To be honest, I mistaken him as a lady when I first saw him.” _

 

_ “Really?” Those sparkling amber eyes gazed at the elder Nohrian Prince. “Did you know my father? Were you close friends?” _

 

_ “Not really close friends… But…” The smoothing action on Kiragi’s back stopped. He bit his lips. Those memories of me being tortured crammed into his mind. After all these years, he might be the closest person I have. He might be the one who knows me the best, but in the worst way possible. After all, he was one who went inside me, digged up all my dignity up my ass and ripped them all gone. _

_ “We have only met twice before he was executed.” He muttered, trying to keep his voice as soft as he could. “We didn’t talk much but… I would say he was brilliant. He was one of the greatest tactician in Hoshido, and definitely the best archer I’ve ever seen. He could be stubborn at times, but he was very kind to the one he loves.” _

 

_ “Really? Do you think he would love me if he were alive?” He nuzzled into his chest. “If he were alive, I would tell him how much I love him! Uncle Leo, Father and Mother would all get along! So that Mother won’t be devastated by Father’s death, and uncle Leo and Father would be good friends!” _

 

_ “What makes you think we would be friends, Kiragi?” _

 

_ “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you two seems to be very similar! Like… You are always cold towards others, but you never left me unattended for a second!” _

 

_ “Maybe…” Prince Leo forced a chuckle before releasing the hug on the child. “Sorry Kiragi, but I just realise I’ve something to do.” He rubs his head again before standing up. _

 

_ “Wait! Uncle Leo! Where are you going?” _

 

_ “Searching something about your Father. There are rumors saying that he is still alive, you know?.” _

 

_ “But how…? Wait, so I might really be able to meet my father?” _

 

_ Prince Leo narrowed and gave a sad, faint smile - A smile filled with loneliness. Loneliness because his niece never recognise him as his father. Loneliness because Kiragi would never realise he had been sacrificing for him. Loneliness because he could never seek for a conversation about himself.  _

 

_ He passed through the corridors and reached the deepest part of the underground dungeon - The cell that was isolated from any other prisoner. Before Kiragi was borned, I still had the privilege to stay at the Nohrian Prince’s room. After that, I was only allowed to stay in this dirty cell for the rest of my life. _

 

_ And there I saw another me - That naked body tainted with scars and bruises. That disgusted face painted with blood and tears. For a moment, I thought of not letting me look at the mirror was a blessing, so that I would never know how messy I was. So that I won’t know how much of a degraded pet I was. _

 

_ The Nohrian Prince kneeled down and leaned another me on the wall. He first took out the healing tome, followed by another seemingly forbidden tome. With a sweeping action, he cast bed the spells onto that unconscious body and closed his eyes. _

 

_ Few moment passed, but Prince Leo was still kneeling in front of another me. Occasionally, his face tensed, or his fingers tried to write something down. Another me, however, was muffling out inaudible words. Maybe he was controlling my dreams, but the guilty expression doesn’t seem so right. Maybe he was trying out another new spell, yet he would have been dropping notes instead. Maybe... _

 

_ “Useless. It’s just a waste of time” The sudden voice scared me. Closing his tome, he lied me on the ground. “Don’t you have some bright moments which I can tell Kiragi about? Do you expect me to tell Kiragi that you’re nothing but a walton slut?” _

 

_ Gathering his stuff, he stood up and glares at that lying body. “What have you done to gain all those respect from that child?” He nudged his boot into my mouth. “Tell me, Prince Takumi.” _

 

_ That Prince Takumi only flinched - It wasn’t like he heard his master anyways. He didn’t know about his pure, innocent child - not until Kiragi was 10. He never know the existence of his only family member. Most likely, he could only feel that he was being tortured again. He could only feel that his master was humiliating and giving him false hope once again. _

 

_ “Is that the punishment for taking your family away from you, Takumi?” He lowered his voice and took out his foot. “That’s why your child would never care me as a person, right?” _

 

_ I thought he would at least kicked my guts to release his anger before walking away. I thought he would rape me and laughed at how defiliated I am. Yet, all he did was a few self-despising laughs and said, _

 

_ “Maybe we were similar, after all.” _

 

“Prince Takumi.” The Nohrian Prince pulled him back to the reality, once again. “You were reading my memories.”

 

“Prince Leo… I… !” 

 

“Laugh at me, now that you saw how pathetic I really am.” The dark Prince pushed himself up, leaving me down on the floor. “You saw how Kiragi treated me. He never see me as his uncle, but just a person who knows that legendary hero.”

 

I gripped his wrist before letting him go. “He would still love you even if you never talk about me.” I gaze up at him - my amber eyes meet his ruby ones. “He talked about you in front of me…”

 

“Shouldn’t you hate me?” He swung his arms until my grip lossed. “I was the one who brought you to this hell. I was that evil monster who seperated your entire family away from you. I was that person who raped you and tortured you for fun!” He paused, before he could regain his breath. 

 

“I beg you - hate me, take everything away you want from me. I was the one who refused to give you a merciless death, so just torture me until living in this world is worse than death.”

 

He walked away, like every other time. To leave me alone in this unknown place in Nohr, or maybe to force himself to leave wherever Kiragi was. Deep in his heart, he still begged for the safety of ‘his child’. Yet, he could no longer face him after all the wrongs he had done.

 

_ Maybe, we were similar after all. _

 

-

 

Another two weeks had passed, but the sadness have never left Kiragi’s heart. There were protests demanding him to step down. Both Nohrians and Hoshidans were calling him traitor because of his dual dragon blood. With the death of both me and Prince Leo, there was no place he could call a home - Even if Princess Camilla is his mother, she spent most of her time dealing with Nohrian politics.

 

It was rare for Hoshido to have such heavy rain. The city was buried in fog and white smoke, Hoshidans were staying in their home and praying for their safety. There is no one, no one except Kiragi wandering in the streets of Hoshido.

 

“Father…” He placed down the lillies and kneels in front of my grave. “Why can’t you live for a few weeks more? Why can’t you stay beside me? Why do I need to suffer from all these?”

 

Little did he know that his father was right beside him, hugging him with his ghostly body. He couldn’t see that tears in my eyes, the guilt when leaving him in such a terrible wicked world. He don’t know how much I have been trying to protect him, even with this dirty slutty body. 

 

“It’s okay, Kiragi. Even if the whole world is against you, I will still be at your side.” I caressed his hair and kissed his forehead. When I look up, I saw Prince Leo, once again, hiding behind the streets and peeking at him.

 

Somehow, I felt like I shouldn’t go to him, since I was one who broke his heart. I was the villain in his eyes. I was the one who took away all the love from him, even though he did the same to me. Plus, I couldn’t dare to leave Kiragi alone in the graveyard, moaning for my return. 

 

But the longer I looked at him, the more my heart arches. Even from this distance, I could see his eyes were empty. Not jealousy, not sympathy, but lifeless and  _ empty _ \- it was as if he had already given up on salvation.

 

It’s true - never had Kiragi ever visited Leo’s grave since his death. On the other hand, Kiragi had been praying for me since the day I have left.

 

Hugging Kiragi once more, I beckoned him to come. He shook his head and sneaked back into the shadow. Sighing, I slowly approach the Nohrian Prince. 

 

“I told you to stay away from me.” He replied without even looking at me “Just go back and ignore me. I’m just an outsider… I’m your biggest enemy.”

 

The moment I looked into his eyes, I could feel his despair. That feeling - that feeling of being neglected, no matter how much you love him. The feeling when betrayed by your closest one. The feeling that you don’t even deserve a compliment from the one you protected the most.

 

“Go. Go check my memories like what I did to you.” He fell onto the ground and covered his eyes with his bangs. “A slave doesn’t have privacy, right? Then go do whatever you want with his remnant of Prince Leo.”

 

“I didn’t know why I dive into your memories in the first place.” My eyes narrowed. He might be lying, but did he have a reason to do so? I should have known that - with his heart broken like this, he could just beg for love. No, he didn’t even beg for them, but letting it slip through his fingers and drained by the one who he despised the most.

 

“It’s just a taste of my own medicine. I did something horrible to you, that’s why you could so what I did in this afterlife.” He grabbed my wrist and placed it on his forehead. “Just do it… Please. Please play with my wicked life and laugh at how big of a failure I am.”

 

I flinched, but before I could get away from the Nohrian, I have already been surrounded by his memories. There, again, stood Kiragi, in front of his doting uncle. He first clenched his fist, then gripped Leo’s collar. His eyes were burning in fury, but begging in tears at the same time.

 

_ “What do you mean that Father was killed?” He pushed his uncle against the wall. His breathes became desperate, especially after looking at that disappointed face of Prince Leo. “Don’t you have guards protecting him? He was a Hoshidan Prince after all! What do you mean he is killed by bandits?” _

 

_ “I’m sorry, Kiragi.” Leo avoided any eye contact. He wanted to caress Kiragis hair, but the younger one barked at him. His hand was beaten away by the one who he loves the most, while the grip on his collar became tighter. _

 

_ “Don’t touch me! I only want my father!” Kiragi shook him harder until his clothes started falling out of place. “How can you be so sure about his death? Did you send a search team for his corpse?” _

 

_ The elder Nohrian Prince breathed in and bit his teeth. He blinked, a few times, before returning to the younger Prince. _

 

_ “Because he was a Hoshidan? Because you are still afraid of him?” He stared at Prince Leo. His voice became hoarse, as the constant screaming had already made his throat sore. “You didn’t even try to find him! You didn’t even try to save him! You’re just a bunch of selfish Nohrians! A bunch of scums who hated others just for their origin!” _

 

_ “Kiragi…” _

 

_ “Don’t call my name! You’re just one of those dirty Nohrians! You never cared about my Father, right? You killed him, didn’t you? You are the one who took him away!” _

 

_ Prince Leo took a step backward before realising he was already touching the wall. Even with this distance, I could see his eyes becoming watery. I could see those tears brimming from the edge of his eyes, and his pupils trembling whenever the child yelled at him. The child was correct - He was the one who killed Prince Takumi. He was the reason for all the madness. He was the one to blame. _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” _

 

_ He pushed the child away, escaping from Kiragi before he could react. He ran, mindlessly, to wherever he could hide his weakness, to wherever he could forget about the guilt and all the wrongs he had done. That force brought him to the prison - the prison where I was captured and held for so many years. The prison where all the nightmares and tragedies started. _

 

_ His shivering hands took Brynhildr from this shirt. His puffy red eyes gazed at the half-dead body lying on the ground. Some part of him wanted to kick him until a bloody mess; some part of him wanted to embrace him and apologize for what he had done; and some part of him wanted to just kill and end everything already. _

 

_ He flinged his hand and casted the trees on the edge of the room. His breathes became more rapid when he pointed at the ex-prince. His eyes were filled with anger, jealousy, disgust, and most importantly, guilt. _

 

_ “I’m sorry, Takumi… Prince Takumi.” He muttered before using ordering his veins to take him. “I’m sorry… I took your son away. I didn’t even let him to remember you. I rejected you for being a wageless maid to serve him. I just want him to love me. I just want to make Kiragi happy…” _

 

_ “I just want to end this… For Kiragi… Please… Just forgive me…” _

 

_ “I’m sorry… Prince Takumi. At least let me end this with a quick, painless death…” _

 

_ His eyes suddenly shoot open, as he immediately fell onto his knees. Dropping the legendary tome, he hugged himself with both arms. His face turned pale, as if he had just saw Kiragi abandoning him. As if he had just heard Kiragi saying ‘he is nothing more than a killer’. _

 

_ “No… Kiragi. I didn't kill him. I-I…” _

 

_ He coughed out blood when he glanced at my lifeless, static body lying on the ground. He wanted to hold another me, but jerked his hand back a moment later. _

 

_ “He is Kiragi’s father. How could somebody so dirty like me touch him?” _

 

_ He crawled beside my body, examining that despair, disgusted face. He bit his lips, so hard, until blood dripped on that unconscious face. He wanted to wipe them off, but he knew he would be contaminating that pure innocent body with his filthiness. _

 

_ “I am pathetic, right? I can’t even fight against my fear for losing that kid. But you… You could live without anyone for these ten years. I know… I should have killed you for long,.. But I just can’t be the antagonist in Kiragi’s eyes. I can’t be… or else…” _

 

_ He pants out. Gathering back his tome, he glanced at another me before leaving the prison. _

 

_ “I’m sorry… I must be very selfish… By stealing all the love you deserve.” _

 

The memories shattered before that Leo could finish his sentence. The Nohrian Prince pulled my wrist away from my forehead and lossed the grip.

 

“You saw that - I was pathetic. You didn’t need to suffer for all those years if I wasn’t afraid of killing you.” He nudged his head between his knees. “All your suffrage is meaningless! You could have died after the first few months! I was the one who forced you into such fates, get it?”

 

I bit my lips and stared at the ground. It’s a mixture of anger and gratefulness - There was no meaning in my broken eye and torn skin, but it was this wicked fate which brought me to my son. I could have left this world a long, long time ago, but Kiragi would need to replace me and suffer from the hellish life I had. 

 

“I…”

 

When I looked back at him, he had already disappeared. Maybe he walked away when I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he didn’t want to see me - the cause for all the tragedies - anymore. After all, there was no reason for me to sympathise him, especially after all the wrong he had done. Shouldn’t I be blaming him for my hellish life instead?

 

I walked back to Kiragi, not realising that the air has been much quieter than it should be.

 

-

 

Two months passed, but the situation was getting worse and worse. Prince Leo had not shown up, ever since that day with the heavy rain. Kiragi suffering from mental disease, so terribly that he could barely keep himself sane. If it isn’t my selfish wish of wanting to keep the Hoshidan blood, I would have brought him to my side for at least ten times by now.

 

I should have, actually, so that Kiragi would not fall be broken and fall into despair.

 

“It’s another tough day…” I could hear him muttering behind the walls. Why am I outside? Maybe I didn’t want to admit how much wrong I have done - how much responsibility I should bear for bringing him into this messed up world. I didn’t want to see his fake smile and broken heart - I didn’t want to count how many times I should have brought him away with me. 

 

But I ended up doing nothing.

 

“Father…!” He muffled. The muffle soon became a cry, an empty scream, begging for his father’s existence. But when his scream reached the peak, he choked. It was followed by ‘bang’ and glass shattering sound all over his room.

 

“Kiragi!” My limbs had already moved before I came to my senses. Crashing into the room, I saw Prince Leo covering Kiragi’s eyes and casting a spell on him - like how he brainwashed Kiragi. And that damn smirk - he must be taking Kiragi away again. He must be the one who caused all the pain.

 

My first instinct told me to push him away and protect Kiragi. When he regained his balance, I gripped his shoulders, shoving him onto the nearby wall.

 

“What do you think you’re doing!” I yelled. He didn’t struggle. Instead, he hid himself as if he is shameful of what he had done. 

 

“Go… Just take Kiragi away with you…” It was barely audible, with his mouth covered by his clothing. “Ignore me, I am no threat to your son. Just do what you should do, Kiragi’s real father.”

 

“How can you not be a danger when you has caused him such pain?” I gripped his collar and shoved him into the wall. So hard, so hard that the hit makes the room shiver. “How can I believe you when you have lied to me so many times? How can I give my child to you after all those horrible things you have done?”

 

“True... I have already lost your trust ever since I captured you. Both you and your son.” He gazed at me. Under the dim moonlight, his ruby eyes sparkled like a jewel. Yet, behind all the tears, his eyes were swirled with guilt and fear, loneliness and despair. There was no light, just darkness swarming into his heart.

 

“So I ended up the same way for both of you.” He chuckled, but his tears roll of his cheek. “Like son, like father, right?”

 

“Stop talking bullshit!” I wanted to shove him onto the wall, but time froze. I could feel it - those memories rushing into my head again. Those  _ despair  _ cramming into my heart again. I could hear Kiragi screaming from a distant, cursing, blaming his uncle for his fate.

 

_ “So you shut Father up just to get all the love he deserved?” Kiragi slapped Prince Leo face, even though he was lying on the bed sickly. “And you forced him to suffer all these just to keep me safe?!” _

 

_ Leo didn’t nod, neither did he shake his head. He didn’t object, neither did he reject. But just quietly lying on his bed, taking all the blame for what he had done. _

 

_ “Why didn’t you talk?!” He choked when Kiragi gripped his clothes. “Why do you need to act like nothing have happened? Why did you just stare at me and hear me scream? Why couldn’t you hug me and say everything is wrong?” _

 

_ “This is a punishment.” He barely muttered out between his coughs. “Express all your anger to me. Point your mighty Fujin Yumi and revenge for your Father, Kiragi. This is the punishment I have.”  _

 

_ “Bastard. Why did you need to say this? Why can’t you just lie to me for like.. A month more? ” Kiragi lost his grip and fall him onto the bed. “I curse you…” It was first a whisper, “I curse you with my life, with my soul…” His voice rose as he slowly regain his posture. “That you will die worse than a witch. That you will suffer in your afterlife and lose the one you love the most. That you will bear the shame and guilt until eternity!” _

 

_ There was no slapping, no hitting. But Kiragi just walked away, walked away and ignored his uncle. Ignore and forget all the rights and wrongs he had done.  _

 

_ Away. Away to a place he couldn’t reach. _

 

“Just let me go.” Prince Leo swung his arms and escaped from the grip. He pushed me back, walking pass me before I gripped his wrists and stopped him.

 

“Why, why would you force Kiragi to curse you? Can’t you see that he was crying as well?”

 

He paused. “So… Kiragi finally cared about me.” He gazed at his dead niece and muttered. “But there was no meaning in it, not anymore…”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Now I know, how you sealed your emotions away all these years, Prince Takumi.” He glanced at me, but returning his focus back onto the ground after less than two seconds. “That feeling. That feeling when you have already given up and let everything pass by. The emptiness when you realise you are nothing but an outsider.”

 

“That all those memories, doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

He casted a weak spell, so weak that it barely get unnoticed. At first, I thought he wanted to knock me away and lost the grip. Yet, the longer I looked at him, the more I realise his soul started to fade away.

 

“Why…? You are just going to make Kiragi more depressed! You are just adding oil on the fire!”

 

“Then let it all end.” He turned back and glanced at his ‘child’ for one last time. “And start the new page with your Father’s smile and laughs.”

 

“Hey. HEY!”

 

“Forget all the times…” 

 

And Prince Leo was gone. Vanished. Faded. I didn’t know the correct word for describing this situation, especially for what happened to that soul. It was like broken glasses, shattered and sprinkled all over the air. I could no longer feel his wrist in my grip, the warmth enveloped between my fingers. But is there even warmth in his body? Is there even warmth in this cold blooded psychic?

 

I gazed at the blue moon, the twinkling stars, and the darkness covering the land. The peace, the silence, and the cost subdued. The life and death.The contamination and the salvation. Is this finally the end of this tragedy? The end of Hoshido’s defeat?

 

The hatred within the Hoshidans’ and Nohrians’ heart. The scars on the Hoshidan Prince’s body. The guilt in the Nohrian Prince’s heart. Would this ever heal? Would this ever end?

 

_ When one ends, another would start.  _ Is there a meaning for starting another tragedy? Is there a meaning for an end?

 

Was there even a meaning for this entire mess? Was that just a senseless war?

 

A single tear rolled down Kiragi’s cheek.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still going for the marriage chapter (of Cherished Disgrace), but then I want to work on Underlying first.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't had the schedule for the happy ending yet... So many alternatives to choose from...


End file.
